‘The Unquiet Dead’ is a fun little story. Its plot is straightforward, but nicely so, and it really feels like ‘Doctor Who’ again, with its obvious nods to the horror-based stories of the Baker/Hinchcliffe years. From the lighting of the candle in its very first moments, this story is an exercise in gothic style, and an affectionate homage to the traditional British ghost stories of Christmases past. I found it extremely entertaining throughout.

But it’s not *only* a style piece – its main strength, actually, is its wonderful characterization. Gwyneth is a great character; sort of in the tradition of ‘Image of the Fendahl,’ which the script obliquely refers to (just like in that story, the haunting is caused by time rift), she’s a psychic whom the Doctor scientifically accepts as the genuine article. Her scenes with Rose are very carefully written, revealing much about both characters. The moment when she reveal she knows that Rose thinks her stupid, and Rose’s reaction, are beautifully played by both Eve Myles and Billie Piper. This is a good Rose story in general – the “Better with two” flirting at the outset is irritating, but we continue to see the new companion’s wonder at, and difficulty with, the concept of time travel (I like the way she clings to the idea that she can’t be killed before she’s been born). Piper manages some excellent comic moments as well; my favorite: “Who’s your friend?” “Charles Dickens.” “Okay . . . .”

And speaking of Dickens, the novelist makes a wonderful, almost Robert Holmes-ian Doctor Who character. I doubt I’m the only fan who thought he’d make a good companion! One always walks a thin line when dramatically treating an extremely famous public person, even one from before the era of recorded sound. But despite the obvious fun Mark Gatiss has with the character’s Victorian diction, his script keeps ‘the Great, Great Man’ very down to earth, and of course Simon Callow’s performance is as charming and meticulously considered as one would expect. (And watching him re-create one of the writer’s famous dramatic readings is an added treat.) Dickens also benefits from the plot, figuring out how to push the Gelth from the room with the lamp gas, and living up to his reputation as a Victorian freethinker by coming to embrace his new consciousness by the end of the story.

The Gelth make nice villains – a terrible menace, yes, but they’re not entirely unsympathetic, even after their true aggressive nature is revealed. And the fact that they look like the ‘Christmas Carol’ ghosts is of course a nice touch of Dickensiana on the part of Gatiss and the production designers.

In fact, if there’s any real problem with this story of all, it’s that the treatment of the Doctor is a little bit disappointing. His getting the TARDIS coordinates wrong is nothing new, but he also totally misreads the Gelth’ s motives, and tries to force Gwyneth into the ‘spirit gate’ position that ultimately kills her (although some have suggested that the Doctor invents this idea to shield Rose from knowledge of Gwyneth’s self-sacrifice, and I suppose that’s possible). More than that, he simply takes Rose’s hand and resigns himself to death when cornered by the reanimated corpses; presumably he really would have been killed if Dickens didn’t show up at the last moment to rescue him. 

But these are small problems – overall, I actually like the Ninth Doctor’s fallibility, and Christopher Eccleston certainly gives it his all here, as usual, even if he’s a bit OTT when gushing about Dickens’s work. All in all, this is simple story, but a little Christmas jewel – one of the best Ecclestons by far.

Apparently, I enjoyed this story a lot more than most of you.

"The Long Game", in my book, stands just as strong as the other stories surrounding it and is nice enough to give us something that is considerably lighter in places. "Dalek" is darker than dark and "Father's Day" is sadder than sad. So, squeezing this particular tale between the two of them, I think, was a stroke of genius on RTD's part. We still get some nice sinister moments, of course. Because, in the end, Doctor Who has got to have a scary villain and/or monster (which, in this case, we get both). But there's also a lot of fun. Something I'm glad the show has remembered to maintain. Fans may take Doctor Who far more seriously thant they ought to, but it's good to see that the production team doesn't!

The nicest surprise I got from this story was Adam. I've been following as many teasers and spoilers as a Canadian can (the show, over here, is getting massive ratings but not a whole lot of media attention) and I had not heard a word about a new member of the TARDIS crew. So it was a genuine surprise for me when he rushes into the battered old Police Box at the end of the previous story. Which was pleasant. My desire to spoil almost any surprise this new series can give me was beaten for once, and I thoroughly enjoyed the loop it threw me for!

But what I enjoyed even more about Adam was how he was used in this story. In the 80s, JNT tried something very creative with the character of Turlough: a companion who starts out "bad" but slowly redeems himself. No such luck with Adam. He just totally blows his chances with the Doctor and gets dumped off after just one story. I really liked this idea. It was neat to see a companion who just doesn't end up "cutting the mustard", if you will. It's almost too bad we haven't seen this sort of scenario sooner - it adds a neat sort of "real world" feel to the show. Like us, the Doctor can sometimes pick the wrong kind of company if he's not careful.

Of course, there's some functionalism to dear Adam too. The negative experience the Doctor has with him helps to re-inforce what he feels for Rose. His "I only travel with the best" line (I'm paraphrasing here) was even a bit touching. Thanks to Adam's blundering, we see just how high of an esteem the Doctor holds her in. Great that, an episode later, she totally lets him down! Again, very realistic character dynamics going on. So often, when we put someone on too high a pedestal we set ourselves up to be let down by them. And I like that the series displayed that to us. Again, great plotting on RTD's behalf.

The other thing that really stands out for me in this tale is something that most of fandomn seems in agreement with: the amazing performance by Simon Pegg. What I think I liked most about it was how radically different he was from his character in "Shaun of the Dead" (so different, that it actually took me a moment to place him). Pegg plays the role perfectly - hitting every "beat" of the character just the way it needs to be hit. In terms of all-time favourite "one-off baddies", he's not too far behind big bad Sharaz Jek in Androzani (who, I think, will always be mine, and everyone else's, favourite single-story villain). It was great to see that this new series still knows how to make a classic villain like this one. That was as important to me as the crafting of the lead character or the companion is.

And now, the plot. Like most of the season - it's a pretty straight-forward one. Which is all alot of these stories can afford to be, given the time constraints. But what makes The Long Game a bit more distinctive from a lot of other stories of this season is how effectively it built up its subplots. In fact, a lot of the guest writers could learn something from this story since many of them are just telling one story and that's it. Here, we have the central idea of "something is rotten in the state of Sattelite Five" whilst at the same time we get "the downfall of Adam". At the crucial climax, the two plots become intertwined and the stakes get even higher because of it. Now, the Doctor doesn't just have to try to topple the Jagrafess' control - he also has to save his own hash in the process since the Editor has discovered who the Time Lord really is and what his advanced knowledge and technology can do for him. This, to me, is what "good Who" is all about. Plot threads coming together from all over the place to give us a thundering little story climax. It's what makes a something like "Mawdryn Undead" have such a special place in my heart and it's also what endears this story all the more to me.

Of course, there is a crucial, more understated third subplot too. As Adam disentergrates, Cathica grows. She starts as a two-dimensional overly-ambitious plot cypher - laying out all the basic elements of the story as the Doctor convinces her with his psychic paper that he's an executive. Slowly but surely, she realises the Doctor and Rose aren't who they claim to be and becomes conflicted because of it. Should she stay loyal to the company she serves or follow along with them to uncover what's wrong with Sattelite Five? It's a nice little moral dilemna and I like how her own personal hesitancy is what resolves the plot. Had she gone up the lift immediately with the Doctor and Rose, she would've gotten caught with them during their great confrontation with the Editor. But because her change of heart only comes later, she's able to sneak up to Floor 500, overhear the sinister plot and then choose to do something about it at the most crucial moment. The "stumbling hero(ine)" characterisation is something I love to see in a storyline - and it's executed quite well here. Both on paper and on-screen. And, as annoyed that some fans might get because the Doctor only seems to "save the day" in about half of the stories this season - I quite like this idea. It's not something all that revolutionairy to the show, really. This sort of thing went on quite often in both the 60s and 80s eras of Who. And I, for one, like it when the Doctor works as just a catalyst in a story. Influencing characters to save themselves rather than just running and solving all the conflicts all on his own. I still think he needs to be "the day-saver", if you will, on, at least, a semi-regularl basis. But it's quite nice how often this particular incarnation didn't play the Messiah (obviously, he got all of that out in another RTD series!). So, no quelm from me that Cathica becomes the ultimate solution to the Jagrafess problem. Because, in the end, she still couldn't have done it without the Doctor. And, in many ways, that makes him a far more effective protagonist than if he'd just come in, waved around his sonic screwdriver and saved the day himself.

These are just a few of the more vital elements to this story that made me like it so much. But there are also some very nice "dashes" of other things too. The clever use of Suki, for example - was a great device that RTD used. How often in the show have we seen the villain pick out the Doctor and his companion(s) as a dangerous anomaly and lure them into his lair? Instead, he misses them altogether, at first, and deals with someone else. A wonderful twist that I felt was thrown in there more for us fanboys than the new viewers.

I also liked what the story had to say about media control - a particularly "hot" topic for me. And though the story's message is so obvious that it does almost bite you on the ankle a bit, I don't mind. Cause I was love it when someone rails against the media and how much we allow it to control us. So, the moral high horse didn't bother me any. In fact, isn't Doctor Who, in general, just one giant moral high horse? So really, gang, what's the problem? I, personally, have always loved the show for the strong messages it tries to deliver.

Finally, we also get great performance thrown in by Tamsin Greig. Another comedic performer whose role in this story greatly contrasted the other role I know her best for. Here in North America, typecasting is "King" in the world of acting. So it's great to see such excellent displays of diversity. Again, like Pegg, it took me a minute to place her because her portrayal was so markedly different from her previous work.

Any weak points to this story? Once more, they're fairly minimal and, therefore, hardly worth mentionning. I do think it funny that so many people nitpicked the opening sequence about the relationship between Adam and Rose. "He's your boyfriend"/"Not anymore" struck me as just a fun little throwaway gag and nothing else. Just like Rose teasing the Doctor about the "Tree Lady" in "End of the World". But, as usual, the geeks have to take things for more seriously than they need to and cry out against Rose's supposedly loose morals. Give it a rest guys, I know it's tough for you to get girlfriends and therefore you get very upset over the idea of infedility but you need to understand that the rest of the world has a pretty light-hearted approach to this kind of stuff!

Wow, was I mean there!

Anyway, as I stated at the outset of this review, "The Long Game" is as strong a story to me as the episodes it is set between. And it continues, overall, the trend of high-callibre story-telling that this season has that is only let down ever-so-slightly by the stuff with the Slitheen.

According to the polls and the reviews that I've seen, I'm somewhat alone in that thinking. But I don't mind. As the good Doctor, himself, once said: "I've always been a bit of iconoclast, myself."!

Finally! A Russell T. Davies episode that I really enjoyed!

Ok, so I liked "Rose", and "The End of the World" was good. "Aliens of London" and "World War 3" just made me want to cringe at times. Taken as a whole, Mr. Davies episodes have been the weaker ones of this run of Doctor Who, being somewhat lean in the plot department and filled with left-wing political preaching, sexual innuendo and juvenile humor in the form of flatulent aliens or burping trash bins. "The Long Game" avoids most of these pitfalls to one extent or another (apart from the ever-present left-wing politics... one would think we're watching televised NAs here), though it has a few of its own. On the whole, it's pretty good.

Just to knock out the complaints first, so I can get on to the strengths of the episode, let's start with the year: 200,000? I mentioned this in my review of "Bad Wolf" since the setting is the same, but there's no way that I can accept so many similarities to the 21st century would exist 198,000 years in the future. Look at how much societies have changed in 2000 years, or 5000. It's night and day, and yet the year 200,000 looks not too dissimilar than our own time, some technical and architectural details aside. It's absurd.

Leaving that aside, the idea of a society manipulated and made docile by the mass media is nothing new, but it's handled well enough here. The Doctor, Rose and Adam arrive during the time of "the fourth great and bountiful human empire" to find that empire's growth has been stunted by media manipulation. People don't think or question, they just accept what they're spoon-fed on the 24-hour news and information network, broadcast from Satellite Five. Evidently they don't have the sense to turn the TV off.

Naturally, the Doctor smells a rat and starts to sniff out the source of the problem. In the context of this story, unlike others this season, it seems appropriate that he does not himself end the threat, but instead leads Cathica to the truth of events so that she can end it, since his goal once he determines what the problem is, is to get people to think for themselves. Of course, there's likely to be anarchy and chaos for a while if the population is as dependent on media as the episode makes them out to be.

Cathica and Suki were both well-realized characters. The episode's only real "uh-oh, something's wrong here" moments came when Suki steps from the lift into the glorious floor 500 only to find an icy room with dead people. It wasn't hard to guess that this was where she would end up, but the scene still worked well, as did her sudden change into freedom-fighter mode, which I did not expect. The misdirection at the beginning of the episode where the Editor talks about someone being out of place is well executed as well. I (of course) expected that he was talking about the Doctor and Rose rather than Suki, so her singling out as the one out of place and promotion was a nice little twist.

Cathica's desire to avoid trouble and not be involved with the Doctor's little bit of anarchy is nicely realistic, but it's also nice to see that she has enough curiosity or concern to take the elevator up to the 500th floor and see what's there. And it's nice to see that she has the courage to act when the true facts are presented to her. My friend who watched this episode with my wife and me got a good laugh out of the "you should have promoted me years ago" line, and decided that the moral of the story was "always promote your good employees".

I like the villains of this episode. I've not seen Simon Pegg in anything else, but he seems to be enjoying his role in this episode, and is indeed one of the highlights. His character, The Editor, is mean and nasty by virtue of his actions, but he's also amusing and fun to watch. I get the sense that he enjoys his job, though I wonder how he got it, and what happened to the marketplace of ideas when it comes to news, if indeed the Jagrafess and satellite 5 have a monopoly on the media. The Editor says that he works for a consortium of banks, seemingly another swipe at the free market and capitalism by RTD, when ironically the free market and competition of ideas would solve the problem presented us by the episode.

The Jagrafess is a big nasty zit with teeth, with no real motivation. Cool monster, but if I were him, would I hang around in a space station playing network executive? Not likely, but maybe that's what Jagrafesses the universe over like to do.

As for the regulars, temporary and otherwise, they all get a decent amount of screen time. The Doctor acts as troublemaker and motivator, a typical but well-executed role for the character. Rose has less to do than usual, but we get to watch the rather interesting idea of a companion who is along for the ride so he can get something out of it. Adam has some backbone to get that thing installed in his head, if not a lot of common sense. The Doctor's condemnation of him and unceremonious dumping of him back home is rather cruel, especially considering that the Doctor facilitated his actions in the first place by encouraging him to jump in with both feet, and by giving him the unlimited finances that enabled Adam to pay for his operation. The ending of the episode leaves a sour taste in my mouth since Adam in no way deserved quite so harsh a punishment. Hopefully we'll see the situation remedied somewhere down the line.

Overall: a nice self-contained episode where nothing terribly cringe-worthy happens. The message of the episode does not overwhelm the plot and the guest actors are all excellent. 8 out of 10.

One thing I admire most about the new series is the way that every episode fits into a wider narrative as semi-independently of the story that it tells. This creates a sort of loose story arc that is designed to create not just an advancing plot but also characterisation and theme. However, there has to be a healthy balance as an episode is still required to tell a good story in its own right, and that's where The Long Game falls down. Opinion of it reflects this: it bottomed out the Outpost Gallifrey season one poll, and many reviews have been negative. I don't feel that it's the worst episode of the season, but in terms of sheer structure it's arguably the one with the most flaws.

The opening scene is actually quite fun, with Russell T. Davies writing quirky dialogue that manages to stay on the right side of indulgence. It is let down by the big plank that is Bruno Langley as the abortive companion Adam: Dalek was too good for him to let it down, but that's not the case here. Also, the notion that Rose is wilfully cheating on Mickey (see also The Empty Child) makes me wonder about the moral centre (I don't want to sound prudish but I'm a white middle-class guy from Surrey and it'll only be a few years until I'm made illegal). We see a brief shot of Satellite Five before the titles, and the cross between The Ark In Space and 2001: A Space Odyssey works brilliantly creating a much more inventive design than the one for The End Of The World.

After the titles the gig gets wrecked by what I call the Kronkburger scene, as that piece of nonsense perfectly epitomises this sub-Dragonfire set-up of people running round ordering fast food; at least in that episode the milkshakes didn't taste of beef. The music is irritating (Murray Gold is generally okay but he really can't do jauntiness) and the scene is in general overly camp – something Davies stated he was going to be careful about. The Doctor as written by him is completely at odds with the character as written by anyone else, as the sparkling eccentricity that has made him such a captivating television figure for so many years gives way to simple buffoonery. In this case the Doctor is deliberately putting on an act, but for the series in general that point stands. Furthermore, the unimaginative design of the year 200 000 has bee criticised so much that I'm not going to go into it here. It's not all bad though: the massive infodump given by Cathica is at least given some context with the Doctor pretending to be from management, and Simon Pegg puts in a great performance that perfectly suits a character that could so easily slip into pantomime.

The aforementioned beef slush-puppy is another deeply silly scene and continues Davies's habit of creating a largely comedic contextual universe for the characters: in the original series the settings were serious and comedy was added later by the characters, and comedy doesn't feel at all appropriate when it becomes intrinsically part of a non-comedic narrative. It's strange that in an episode featuring two notable comedy actors that I should be complaining about this while praising Pegg as one of its best features. Also of note is Cathica's introduction of "ladies, gentlemen, multisex, undecided"; one of Davies's hobbies seems to be provoking reactions with gratuitous references to sex and sexuality. This is something I never wanted to discuss any episode in relation to, but the cumulative effect throughout the series makes it difficult to ignore. The fact that no aliens are in the room at the time makes it dramatically unjustified, and it merely comes across as self-indulgent writing. I don't want to sound parochial or like I hate the very concept of sex and gender in Doctor Who (not at all); all I have a problem with is Davies's constant need to bait his audience. I'll say again that it's the cumulative effect of the series as a whole that sees me vent my frustration at this scene, as I don't want to mislead you as to the significance of it on its own.

The information stream is a hardly a gigantic leap of imagination, but is certainly off the wall in practice mainly because of the completely loopy idea of people having holes in their heads; unlike, say, Aliens Of London's space pig this sees Davies get right the mix if humour and the genuinely disturbing.

The revelation that Suki is a rebel is an interesting twist as the viewer is expecting the Doctor to be identified. The snowy floor 500 looks brilliant and contains a genuine jump-moment when the corpses are discovered. It is well directed by Brian Grant, who makes good use of a handheld camera, but does go on too long. It finishes with Suki's death though, which is a great moment especially considering that, like many of Davies's episodes, the mortality rate is a fairly low 33.3%.

So far the episode isn't terrible, but I can't shake the feeling that more should have happened by now. It is paced like original series episodes were when they had a leisurely hour and forty minutes to tell their story. This is the main problem with the episode that, through its poor execution, a good core idea goes to the dogs. We're halfway through the episode, and we're still at the initial-setup stage of the plot.

Tamsin Greig's creepy, subtly suggestive performance as the nurse is something I can't quite fathom out, but it certainly tops anything that Langley can manage acting opposite her. The Editor's line about nonentities being promoted is another stalling attempt at satire from Davies; like the low-brow toilet gags and occasional smut the cumulative effect is very grating, and the same goes for the vomit-o-matic.

I'd just like to say that I note with glee the fact that the lift door wobbles as the Doctor and Rose enter it.

Only once the heroes have been captured do we learn anything new since the beginning, either for the episode itself or its place in the series – so badly is The Long Game constructed. However, the confrontation between the Doctor and the Editor is very good and the Jagrafess looks amazing, although its silly convoluted full name sees Davies plumb the depths by plagiarising himself having come up with the ridiculous 'Raxicoricofallipatorius' for World War Three. The 'slave' discussion is great, but why doesn't the Editor sense Cathica come into the room since he's just said how he can detect everyone's thoughts?

The explanation of the Jagrafess leads to many unanswered questions and is inadequate. This is largely intentional, but that doesn't make it a good thing. The Long Game is merely a forty-five minute trailer for Bad Wolf, without containing any real substance to sustain it independently. Taken on its own terms the viewer merely comes away thinking "is that it?", and if I hadn't heard Davies say that these questions would be answered I wouldn't have given it the benefit of the doubt.

And, with that, the Jagrafess is destroyed. Just as the viewer is hoping a bit of proper plot is going to come along the whole thing is over, although we should be grateful that there's no massive fart noise as the Jagrafess explodes. One silly moment is that Suki somehow grabs the Editor even though the zombies' chips are deactivated; even if you explain this away as the Jagrafess taking revenge it's still a cheap attempt at providing dramatic justice. The final scene, in a cursory mention, is straight out of an unfunny sitcom.

I've tried to be kind to this as I've seen many worse episodes (there aren't so many plot holes here as Davies's episodes usually contain), but even so The Long Game is disappointing. It can be seen more sympathetically in the light of Bad Wolf, but in a sense that is irrelevant; however useful it is for the general narrative the fact remains that it is unable to stand up on its own. Therefore, for all it's snappy dialogue and decent visuals, The Long Game remains a very unsatisfying episode.

Hope you’re in the mood for some good eatin’, ‘cos I’m gonna roast a turkey! Season 24 is condemned almost universally as being one of Doctor Who’s weakest: excessive, poorly made and with a ridiculous tone that drives the series into a different but equally poor direction to the one it recently held. However, it always seems to me that Delta And The Bannermen gets of scot free, with many praising it for its intelligent teasing of science fiction values. I say intelligent, but I simply want to get into the swing of the sarcasm that’s going to characterise this review. This is because Delta And The Bannermen is my candidate for Worst Story Ever, one of the only moments to make me ashamed to be a fan. And I don’t like saying that.

Oddly though, it actually begins fairly well with a decently staged battle scene, with some good special effects and some decent pyrotechnics. What lets it down though? The same thing that let a lot of other stories down. Keff. McCulloch. There are so many opportunities to slate him here that in the interests of avoiding repetition I’m going to get it all out of the way now: he is actually Satan himself. His attempts at parodying 1950s rock and roll are revolting (appropriate, though) and this is the third story in a row where a sickening synthy version of the theme music has been jammed into the incidental music. And that’s saying nothing about the sickening synthy version of the theme music that is, in fact, the actual theme music.

Ken Dodd’s manic overacting is painful to watch and, as usual, every time Mel opens her mouth I get the overwhelming desire to plug it with my shoe. While I’m listing through the rubbish characters, then you have to love those comedy Americans! Just picture the forced rictus smile on my face as I wrote that. Stubby Kaye’s line of “Wales, in England” is just about bearable, but a cheap shot. Other than that, it’s dire; the acting is stagy and the dialogue – “it’s exposition, but it’s funny!” – is too crummy for words.

The Navarinos and their bus become part of a completely comedic, parodic universe for the episode that puts it at complete odds with the programme it’s supposed to be. Could you ever imagine the bus being hit by a meteorite and crashing on Sutekh’s rocket, or next to the Chula ambulance? No. Reason? Those two examples are intelligent, well thought-through ideas, and this one belongs on the scrap heap. That’s a big problem with this story: the complete lack of thought. We never get told why Gavrok wants to kill the Chimerons, we never get told why the baby grows like it does; the villains have no real motivation, and many of the other characters act bizarrely as well: see the cliffhanger to part two (the Doctor’s thinking just makes no sense). At least Don Henderson and Belinda Mayne play it straight, although Mayne is so poor that she must have blackmailed the productions staff into casting her. When she shoots the communication screen, Gavrok’s explanation that she “somehow” switched it off demolishes what little credibility he ever had.

The dancing passengers on the bus is another cringe-inducer, and Hawk and Weismuller continue to bury the episode. The special effects of the bus crash are straight out of Button Moon (a shame, as the effects are generally one of the few real good points about season 24), although it’s nice to see the TARDIS actually being used for one. It was always a simple tool for establishing setting but this was taken to an extreme in the McCoy years and to see the Doctor doing something other than piloting it to Earth is a relief.

I’d have to agree with Mel’s assessment: they picked a sucky location, a cheap, run-down package-holiday nest of putrefaction only redeemed slightly by the pleasant countryside around it. Give me a good old reliable quarry, any day. And I’ve nothing against the Welsh, I’ve lived with several in my time, but Burton is seriously annoying. Ray is slightly better (especially in those leathers, nudge nudge), but her exaggerated cute-little-girly characterisation grates. She could be OK, if only she didn’t open her mouth so much.

The Doctor gives the mechanic Billy free reign with a load of alien technology. Timeline? Aw, who cares, let’s rock!

Ken Dodd’s death, after all these jokey shenanigans, seems unnecessary and inappropriately nasty and mean-spirited (a lot like the death of Clive in Rose). If Malcolm Kohll had to pick such a nauseating tone as he largely does, he should at least be consistent.

At the party, Billy is dressed up in a cheap James Dean / Marlon Brando parody. This may seem minor, but in a sense it epitomises what’s wrong with the story: it proclaims to tease 1950s stereotypes while at the same time pandering to them. It doesn’t have the imagination to be truly satirical, and therefore falls short of its targets and ends up being that which it mocks. And for those cameo fans out there, Keff McCulloch can be seen in the band. Funny, if I was him I wouldn’t be so keen to show my face.

At the cliffhanger to part one, the Doctor gives himself away by a feeble sneeze, snapping the needle on my clichй counter. I’d only just mended it in time to lose it again at the sight of Keillor’s smoking shoes: they only just got away with that in the Meltdown episode of Red Dwarf, and that was a comedy programme. This isn’t. It tries to be, but you wouldn’t have heard me laughing. I’m not against comedy in Doctor Who, but a fairly important requirement of comedy is that it should be funny. The model baby is good, but with Mel in the room screaming it’s the sound effects I object to.

Goronwy, at last, is a nice piece of characterisation. His ambiguity is nice, and I like the theory that he may be an old retired Time Lord. It’s only a shame he’s played so camply by Hugh Lloyd.

Oh, and that DJ is entirely unnecessary. Bad review are certainly therapeutic, but I never enjoy slating my favourite show and I’d much rather watch a good episode than a bad one – but I must confess it was only the thought of tearing into it here that kept me going. The idea of an omnipresent threat rapidly approaching is a good one, by boring direction from Chris Clough and its unremittingly saccharine tone suck dry any sense of tension.

Belinda Mayle’s acting when Delta learns the Bannermen are on their way? Lame. David Kinder’s acting when he learns the Bannermen are on their way? Lame. Delta And The Bannermen? Lame. Ray’s catchprase of “He’s been ihyoniiiiiiiiiised!” is really getting on my nerves now and, although it’s not a new observation, those Bannermen really do look like a load of yuppies on an adventure weekend. The deaths of all the Navarinos leave an unpleasant taste, another example of the kind of action adventure this sometimes tries to be. It wants to have it both ways, and consequently succeeds in neither.

As far as part three is concerned, I was getting too sick of it to take notes. My interest was going the same way as my will to live. Gavrok and his Bannermen get stung by bees, and do you know what? I don’t care. The escaped Bannerman is a bit of a wuss really, and is it me or does he look a bit like Andrew Cartmel? The sonic cone on top of the TARDIS makes the end very very obvious, but at least it means the end is in sight. It could be worse: the story could be average length. For those who like this sort of thing, Sylvester McCoy cops a feel of Sara Griffiths when he’s marking out the boundary around the TARDIS. Hey, I need a bit of a laugh, I just watched Delta And The Bannermen. The ending is abrupt and rubbish, poor Ray gets left high and dry, and TURN THAT MUSIC OFF!

Season 24 is to be commended for attempting something new after the suicidal regime of old under Eric Saward, but it seems to be merely an instinctive panic rather than a measured response and nowhere is this better illustrated than Delta And The Bannermen. Much as it pains me to admit it, now that I’ve reviewed it I could comfortably never see it again.

I’ve always been a huge fan of multi-episode story arcs that take two episodes or more to fully develop the story they are trying to tell. The last season of Star Trek: Enterprise was mostly made up of two or three-parters. Having to wait until next week is always exciting. You just never give up guessing what will happen next week, and make the prospect of viewing part two or three even more exciting.

So, with the new series of Doctor Who in full swing, I anxiously await the two-part adventures. They bring the great memory of the original series, waiting until the next week to see what happens next. The first two-part adventure, “Aliens of London” and “World War III,” was a mixed blessing. The first episode was alright. The great suspense, acting, and production values were let down by needless fart-jokes. The second episode, however, was much better.

For me, the second two-part adventure was the one I’d wanted to see the most. As a historian, I always enjoyed watching the Doctor Who adventures that took place in the past. And, while I know that it’s science-fiction, I always look to see if the look and feel of the period is captured correctly. So, with immense excitement, I sat down to watch “The Empty Child,” and then “The Doctor Dances.”

“The Empty Child” washed all my concerns away within the first ten minutes. The period feels right, and the scenes of the London Blitz are exciting, and as historically accurate as you can get within a science-fiction story. The main story itself is also fascinating. The scenes of the empty child, and those he has infected, are terrifying. I never thought that the idea of a “disease as injuries” would work, but it does so brilliantly. And the eerie cliffhanger ending sends chills up the spine, and you wonder what’s going to happen next.

After “The Empty Child,” I thought that it would be hard to come up with a clever follow-up. But the second part of the story, “The Doctor Dances” not only does so, but it proves to be the best episode of the series to date. The visual effects, storytelling, and acting are all at their peak of success. The explanation of what is going on may seem awkward on paper, but works brilliantly on screen. The ending of the episode is really well-done for two reasons. Not only do we see an emotional reunion of Jamie with Nancy (who, it turns out, is not Jamie’s brother, but is actually his mother), but we get to see what has to be a first for Doctor Who: for once, no one dies. It is these fantastic elements that make this episode a classic.

Christopher Eccleston continues to prove himself to be a fantastic Doctor. After his dark turn in “Dalek,” I thought his performance couldn’t get any better. But he proves me wrong in this adventure. We not only laugh at his jokes, and are shocked by his revelations. At the end, we feel what he feels when he realizes that everyone will live at the end of this adventure: we are all filled with joy. His brilliance as an actor continues to surpass expectations for the character.

Billie Piper also continues to shine as Rose. She reminds me a lot of Sarah Jane Smith from the original series. She always seems to get herself into trouble, but manages to always make us laugh. Piper has proven that she can stand side-by-side with Eccleston, and is never over-shadowed by him. Not only that, but she is very attractive to boot!

The new character introduced to the show, Captain Jack Harkness, is very interesting. John Barrowman gives a great performance in the role. He’s not only funny and intelligent (for the most part), but proves that he is worthy of a leading-role in the spin-off series, “Torchwood.” I can’t wait to see what else he can bring to the character in the next few episodes.

In closing, I feel that “The Empty Child” and “The Doctor Dances” are the destined to become THE classic adventure of the Eccleston era. But the journey isn’t over yet. There are three more episodes left in the first series of the show. Let’s see how the Doctor will do when he faces his old enemies Margaret (from the first two-parter), and the Daleks in the series’ closing two-part adventure, “Bad Wolf” and “The Parting of the Ways.”