Having endured the flatulent self-indulgence of Aliens of London and the infantile pop culture references of The End of the World and Bad Wolf while somehow managing to bite my tongue, I can do so no longer after wincing my way through New Earth.

Was I watching a different programme to the one most Outpost Gallifrey reviewers saw last Saturday? Judging by many of the comments posted thus far, yes. To my mind, this was the episode that, more than any other, saw the light shine through the Emperor's New Clothes. Flabby, smug and erratically paced, it managed to squander some genuinely intriguing ideas amid a sea of painting-by-numbers CGI, ghastly incidental muzak, and gratuitous sexual innuendo.

Aside from some nauseating (if predictable) canoodling between Doctor and companion and a garbled, rather nonsensical 'explanation' of the new colony's origins by the former, the story started out reasonably enough, introducing some amusingly larger-than-life incidental characters and posing interesting questions about the true nature of the impressively realised hospital. The feline nurses were nicely underplayed, and there were some refreshingly subtle references to topical issues such as MRSA - proving RTD does have it in him to use allegory to make a point about the present, rather than simply transplanting Big Brother wholesale to an implausibly far-flung future.

For a good 15 minutes or so it trots along merrily, with our hero letting his curiosity lead him, headfirst, into trouble in refreshingly traditional Who vein. But then it all goes terribly wrong...

I won't bother itemising everything that, in my view, lets this episode down. If I simply confine myself to saying that the whole experience left me with a tremendous sense of deja-vu related to uncomfortable memories of Time and the Rani, I'm sure readers will get my drift. Villainous diva with doting grotesque as sidekick poses as Doctor's companion; otherwise decent Doc forced to ham it up in crassly scripted 'instability' scenes; garishly colourful costumes and effects; frenetic 'rent-a-score' drum beats undermine any iota of tension...Need I go on? Hell, even the Centre of Leisure made an appearance near the end, when Cassandra appeared in her evening dress at that chintzy nightclub. (Incidentally, the dinner suits were 'sooo Five Billion', weren't they?)

To be honest, I am sure this episode was a genuine misfire and that far better is to come later in the season. Next week's trailer looked promising (though I, for one, hope the much-vaunted "Tarantino" camerawork is kept to a minimum to allow the tale itself room to breathe), and the clips of School Reunion and The Girl in the Fireplace bode well. Sooner or later, though, questions must surely be asked about why it is that RTD's own episodes have been so comparatively sub-standard? With the exception of the surprisingly thoughtful Boom Town, none of his episodes have paused for breath. And this "restlessness" (as Nick Courtney describes it incisively in his new autobiography) is starting to become, at best, exhausting and, at worst, tedious.

Yes, RTD deserves praise and gratitude for resurrecting this beloved show and attracting writers and actors of calibre to bring it back to life. Yes, he is a good dialogue writer (though the extent to which this is demonstrated in his Who scripts is open to debate). But look beyond the surface sheen of Saturday's episode (and, let's face it, with the money and technology now at the production team's disposal, they have little excuse for it to look anything but polished) and is there really much there of substance? Referring to the Doctor and Rose, RTD commented in his recent Radio Times interview that there is "an overconfidence" about them at times which could prove "their downfall". On the evidence of New Earth, he'd be wise to bear these words in mind himself...

Twenty years ago, fans were ready to lynch JN-T for the slightest concession to slapstick - or even, dare I say it, popular culture. Today, some are deifying RTD for doing much the same thing. Devoid of today's budget, though, would the wilder excesses of his 'new vision' for Who really compare any more favourably with the work of his predecessor? I think not.

New Earth, same RTD mixture. For those new viewers tempted to tune in by reports of an award winning series which had restored the concept of family viewing and made people care again about a series which was fading long before its demise in 1989 I’m not sure this offering will persuade them to watch again. This would have sat better as a mid season filler perhaps but as ever there’s so much to enjoy that to overly criticise seems a little mean….

After Tennant’s magnificent debut in the Christmas Invasion he seems at times to have taken a step back here, almost trying too hard at times. But I remain convinced he is an excellent choice to play the Doctor and I’m sure he will settle into the role perfectly well- and very often the quality of the scripts bring out the best in the actors, as in Christopher Eccleston’s brilliant confrontations with the Daleks. On the plus side, although the Doctor’s “cure” at the end was an extremely rushed and poor resolution it did at least show a Doctor sorting a situation rather than relying on others, a trend started in the Christmas Invasion and it was again noticeable that the balance of the Doctor/Rose relationship continues to swing in favour of the Doctor with Rose at times seeming to be in dreamy-eyed awe of him in this story.

By contrast Billie Piper is given a chance to shed her Mockney accent and have a ball as the Cassandra-possessed Rose, and she shines in this episode. Interestingly whilst there has been a deliberate attempt to restore the Doctor as the central figure it’s noticeable how confident and settled Piper has become so that she was again the main attraction anyway.

I don’t get as wound up as some do about Davies’ love of innuendo but for those who loath his scripts I can only suggest they don’t watch this again as it encapsulates all that some find so offensive about new Who. However the overall success of the show at the moment outweighs such anxieties. Like him or loath him RTD does seem to be more in touch with what a modern audience will respond to than some of us will ever admit.

Self confessed “deeply atheist” Davies has his customary pop at religion as the Doctor tells the Cat Nun in no uncertain terms that there’s no higher authority than him. If he carries on like this he might as well invite Richard Dawkins to write a story for the series- what a great title the Blind Watchmaker would have made and we would get better science than we’re getting at the moment-but that aspect doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers others. Strange then how a man who can’t possibly believe in anything that smacks of the mystical can conveniently employ mystic endings when it suits, as in Rose’s god-like powers in the Parting of the Ways.

The sisters of plenitude are beautifully realised, and the effects generally good, but even allowing for the fact that mankind is starting over on a new planet with a nostalgia for all things retro I’m a little concerned by the continued existence of pulley-operated lifts and disinfectant in the year what was it?Five billion and 23?Come on.

As for whatever plot there is, as usual RTD tries to do too much at once, so mixed in with the mystery of what lies within the bowels of the hospital(nods to the Tomb of the Cybermen and the Ark in Space there) we have the whole Cassandra thing and the Face of Boe threatening to appear once more and reveal something profoundly significant. Whatever sense of poignancy the ending might have otherwise induced is surely diluted by the mystery of why, after all those long years of struggling to stay alive, Cassandra should wish now to end it all without a whimper.

An entertaining but unengaging romp which sits uneasily as a season opener. Judging from next week’s clip we haven’t quite escaped Bad Wolf!

After waiting what feels like a lifetime IT’S BACK and what re-entrance it made back on to our Saturday Night TV screens, but first before I discuss the first episode I must just say that I only started watching Dr Who last year and because of that Christopher Eccleston will always be my Doctor and I will always believe he left the show way too early.

Right back to Saturday (Yes, Can I go back and watch it again). I had very mixed feelings about the series returning. I, like everyone else, watch The Christmas Invasion, which I thought was quite lacklustre but had some great moments in it, like Rose’s grief and The Doctor’s trauma in getting over his re-generating, so I was almost dreading Saturday, hoping to god that the BBC and RTD had not turned the whole thing into a circus with the Rose/Doctor relationship being the focus of everything and every episode being about them getting together and sleeping together (don’t we have Torchwood for the sex). But New Earth set my mind at rest. I think it was the perfect opening for this new series. It the time when we really get to meet the new Doctor (really it should be the “new new new new new new new new new Doctor” and what a guy. He will never be better than Chris Eccleston but he does bring something new to the role. He brings a slightly different humor to the Doctor and he is definitely more relaxed as if Rose/Bad wolf bringing an end to the time war in POTW has allowed him to release some of the pain and guilt that he had been holding on to, but you still get glimpses of a dark side (“HOW MANY!!!!”). I had also wondered if Billie could grow and develop the character of Rose or whether we would be subjected to an emotionally stunted nineteen year old girl who had not learned anything but I could not be more wrong. Billie has returned fresh as a daisy and her characterization of a Cassandra-possessed Rose was to use a ninth Doctor term FANTASTIC. It was amazing to see the change from her being just normal Rose to Cassandra-Rose without resorting to visual trickery, you could just tell that she had changed, her mannerisms changed, her voice changed, her whole stance changed and her performance was excellent, putting her on a total par with her leading-man.

I think the visual effects team deserves an award for bringing the city of New New York to life. It seems the team has got better since last year and made our first visit to an alien planet very believable. I also things the costume and make-up department need a big round of applause as well for the Cat Nurses, The Sisters of Plentitude, they were amazing and spooky and a lot better than the all the monsters and aliens from the last series but together apart from the Daleks of course.

My only complaint or comment was that there was not enough back-story. I don’t mean about the Doctor and Rose, you could tell at the beginning of the episode that it picked up straight after the Christmas Invasion and that they had not been on any other adventures in-between. But I feel that there was not enough back-story or any explanation given as to how Cassandra got off Platform One. How did Chip get her into the hospital and how did she create him because I think that would be a bit hard if she was holey piece of skin and she is also missing vital things such as arms and why would anyone want to save her and also my other comment (ok I have two comments) is the end of the episode and the Doctor taking Cassandra/Chip back to meet herself, why did that not cause a paradox because even though Cassandra was in the body of Chip she was still essentially the same person. Also wouldn’t it change Cassandra’s history, what if now by being told by Chip/Cassandra that she is “So Beautiful” she does not become a flat skinny bitch who tries to kill everyone on Platform One, wouldn’t that then change the Doctor’s and Rose’s history as well. Ok now I am nit-picking and probably being stupid, so I will say that the episode was an excellent starting block for the new series and if then last series is anything to go by then it can only get better from here.

Interesting to note the tendency of some Who fans to contract Russell T. Davies' name to RTD, forging an unconscious connection with his somewhat inferior predecessor, arch-murderer of a once-great series. The comparison is extremely limited, in my opinion. Contrast series opener 'New Earth' with its amateurish counterparts 'The Leisure Hive' or 'Battlefield' and this instantly becomes apparent (imagine - people actually used to have to live like that!)

'New Earth', even the most ardent Davies acolyte must be forced to admit, has numerous unfortunate flaws, but it is still, at a rough estimate, about a million and three times better than anything ever written or conceived by Turner, Bidmead, Saward and Cartmel combined during the woeful 1980s. The script positively crackles with relentlessly clever wit, and strains throughout under the weight of an entire series' worth of highly original and inventive ideas.

Davies is a risk-taker, confining the Doctor to bed for much of 'The Christmas Invasion', then wilfully disrupting further development of his relationship with Rose by having both characters alternately possessed by returning villain Cassandra for most of 'New Earth'. This proves to be a very successful device, by and large, although Billie Piper's usually-spellbinding acting strains ever so slightly in her first scene as Cassandra, particularly when expected to declare, somewhat incongruously, "I'm a chav!" (references to popular culture are far from my favourite things).

This was a very demanding departure from Rose to foist upon Piper, and illustrates Davies' justified confidence in his cast, but she generally copes with it admirably. Her interplay with David Tennant once the plague carriers have been released from their cells is one of the most entertaining aspects of the episode, with both actors turning in fine comedy performances. Indeed, all four actors who play Cassandra are to be congratulated for sustaining the character throughout the episode - a considerable achievement, if you stop and think about it. Sean Gallagher, in particular, should be praised for his genuinely moving portrayal of her eventual acceptance of death at the episode's conclusion - another risky subversion of audience expectations which, happily, paid off.

If only the same could be said for all of them. The resolution of the main plot, for example, has the pungent whiff of deus ex machina about it. It's hard enough to swallow the fact that ten or so plague carriers can be cured by spraying them liberally with food colouring, let alone that they can then pass this cure on to their fellow-sufferers with their hands, assisted by a special effect bussed in from 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade'. The reason this is a ridiculous bit of pilfering on Davies' part is that the Holy Grail is, at least, holy, and therefore likely to be able to cure grievous illnesses at a stroke, whereas the cat-sisters' solutions are anything but, and should surely at the very least have had to be administered intravenously (although this would, admittedly, have taken considerably longer and been far less exciting).

Come to think of it, the sight of David Tennant at the heart of this, hugging awe-struck clones, grinning widely and shouting joyful platitudes such as "life will out!" was ever so slightly embarrassing. His inaugural performance proper as the Doctor is generally highly promising, but here he is more Messiah than Time Lord. This is a comparison that Davies seems to be making more and more as the series progresses: this is a Doctor who cures people by seemingly miraculous means; he is referred to in connection with the Face of Boe as "the lonely god"; the words Bad Wolf and their appearance through space and time are related by the Dalek Emperor to "the truth of God", and Rose's Time Vortex-charged alter-ego also seems to have something of the divine about her. It's an interesting theme to be exploring, however tentatively, although it is perhaps worryingly reminiscent of the fabled Cartmel Masterplan.

Any other complaints are comparatively trivial, although the CGI effect for the infection of various characters and extras by the plague carriers is poor enough to be worthy of mention. It has to be asked whether it was necessary to show this on screen, especially given that the actors quite obviously had to stand very still in the shot in order for the effect to be inserted. One lesson Davies should learn well from the legacy of the classic series is that genuinely unsettling effects can be created entirely through the power of suggestion.

After seeing 'New Earth' for the first time, I have to confess I felt slightly dejected, because it was just so different from what I was expecting, but repeated viewings have convinced me that this is actually a good thing! Risk-taking makes for exciting television, and all of the flaws evident in this episode can be generously forgiven on account of the fact that, as a non-Who fan I know put it to me over the weekend, it was still better than practically anything else broadcast on terrestrial television so far this year. And, to conclude somewhat triumphantly, and with a frisson of cliche, roll on 'Tooth and Claw'!

A good, solid start to the season – not spectacular, and not as good as The End of the World, but then again sequels never do live up to the original. There was a lot of fun to be had, however, and Tennant and Piper were both on top form. Tennant can do flippancy and anger very well, and although comparisons to Tom Baker are often thrown around casually they do seem to be bearing out, albeit with the Tenth Doctor being rather more human and less aloof than the Fourth. Piper’s moments as Cassandra excelled, and she didn’t put a foot wrong throughout the entire episode whether she was being Rose or her possessor. The kiss scene – well, that was a throwaway bit of fun, although the Doctor’s reaction was intriguing – “still got it”, eh?

The central idea of the plot was interesting, but I’m not sure it was brilliantly executed. I didn’t take to the lumbering zombie-type patients, but some of the hospital stuff was very good, particularly the cat nuns, who looked absolutely stunning, a wonderful prosthetic and make-up job that has to rank as one of the best we have seen in all of the new series episodes so far. The characterisation of the nurses was also well done, in that you could see why desperation to cope with all of the diseases they had to deal with had led them to this point. It’s not a new idea, by any means – something similar was even done using clone humans for vampire food in Jon Blum and Kate Orman’s Who novel Vampire Science – but it was quite chilling. Having said that, the fact that the plague clones seemed to have been able to learn to walk and talk and think purely through a kind of process of osmosis was far too convenient for my liking, a bit of a shortcut to enable us to feel more sympathetic towards them, perhaps.

Speaking of plot devices being a little too convenient for the plot’s own good, all the body-swapping all seemed a little too easily done. Cassandra needs a massive great machine to get into Rose the first time, but then after that she can just spit herself into and out of anybody in the immediate vicinity at will? I realise that we’re not really supposed to question these things too closely, and it did of course make for the hugely entertaining shenanigans of having Piper and Tenannt playing Cassandra, but think there could have been a better way to do it.

Although it was a shame Zoe Wannamaker didn’t actually feature more she was very good, as previously, at getting across Cassandra’s character without having an actual physical presence, although of course this time we did get to see her in the flesh at an earlier period where she seems rather more sympathetic. The rest of the cast didn’t really have very much to do, with the exception of Sean Gallagher as Chip, who I thought came across very well indeed. He too had to play Cassandra eventually, and his touching little moment when she/he/it goes back in time at the end and meets her former self was very well played, although you have to wonder if giving Cassandra a heart back at that moment changes her future actions in any way, and if so would her previous actions in terms of what we’ve seen in the series still have happened? She’d already mentioned the occasion as being the last one upon which she’d been told she was beautiful, but she remembered that before she’d actually gone back and done it.

Definitely best not to think about that one too hard!

Enigma and mystery has always been one of my favourite parts of the show, so having the Face of Boe suddenly decide to get better and not impart his message after all was a nice little teaser. Irritating for the Doctor, of course, but we’ll find out eventually – Davies said a while back in DWM that when he was told of the series three commission he immediately moved one line from this episode to the beginning of series three, and it has to be this one, surely?

Visually, the episode only fell down for me a couple of times – the first lift shot looked a little old-fashioned for the year five billion and seemed to have been taken from Rose, and I could have sworn that the gantry in the intensive care unit was the same paper mill location as the Nestene Lair from that episode, or at least looked very similar to it indeed. (A listen to the commentary download confirms that it was indeed the same location). But then again, I don’t suppose it really matters, and only sad fans like us would notice such things!

Aside from that, it was stunning – the futuristic cityscape laid across the Gower Peninsula, and particularly the massed ranks of the intensive care pods showed The Mill at their very finest. Davies seems to enjoy setting them challenges and they always manage to rise to them, and with that opening scene on New Earth with its wonderful landscape you can see why they wanted to open the second series with this.

Last year the theme of the year five billion plus was everything has its time and everything dies. Now, in the wake of New Who’s great success, the caveat seems to have been added that sometimes, these endings aren’t quite as set in stone as they might previously have appeared.

Hardly an intriguing title or indeed concept, New Earth for me committed the ultimate sin of being very boring. I actually left the room to make a cup of tea about half way through it (I tend to get itchy feet during most RTD stories), round about when the Doctor's confronting one of the Sisters of Plenitude outside the human guinea-pig banks. And I lost all my interest a bit later on (despite the revivification of my cup of tea) after the cringe-inducing scene in which the Doctor is possessed by Cassandra, contorting his gangly frame in a very Kenneth Williams-esque moment – I’d half expected an ‘Oh Matron!’ to ring out from a pair of flaring nostrils. Given the camp hospital setting replete with – inexplicably cat-faced – nurses, this might have fitted the bill. The aforementioned scenes with the alternately Cassandra-ised Rose and Doctor smacked instantly of the equally atrociously executed scenes in the abysmal McCoy debut, Time and the Rani; I hate to say it, but I’d probably still rather trawl through the latter story than New Earth which, as with the first episode of last season, Rose, does not hold up to a second viewing and will be an episode I’ll probably never view a third time. Why? Because there’s absolutely no depth to it whatsoever, and not even any vague sub-text or sense of potential hidden layers either in plot or script promised by re-viewings to give me the incentive to stare somnolently through it more than twice. Detail was the key ingredient to the classic series, even in the worst ever stories such as Nightmare of Eden or Paradise Towers, there was still always an almost tangible collage of ‘detail’, layers of it to excavate through each time one viewed the story. RTD sadly offers us pretty much none in any of his episodes bar possibly The Long Game. End of the World just about staggers up to a couple of re-viewings but not much more than that, and is poisoned by its ‘Toxic’ intrusion. Funnily enough I didn’t mind Boom Town – despite its Rent-A-Ghost/Tomorrow People-style shenanigans and utterly ridiculous plot, as in this episode alone RTD wrote some truly affecting dialogue, in the restaurant scene. The woefully unimaginative, non-juxtaposition of two TV programmes that have somehow miraculously survived for thousands of years (i.e. Big Brother and The Weakest Link) in Bad Wolf was only just rescued from the realms of inexcusable absurdity by the more imaginative interpretation of Trinnie and Suzannah, and a fairly eventful and climactic final episode in Parting of the Ways. Only in the second episode did RTD deliver anything resembling polemical satire with the new religious fanaticism of the Daleks, the best contribution he’s made yet to the development of the series.

RTD’s scriptural scatter-gun tactics produce sporadic bouts of good scripting in New Earth, particularly relating to the hospital policies discussed between the Sisterhood, but again, as in his previous offerings, he misses a golden opportunity for genuine topical satire: a comment on our new PPP Trust hospitals would have been nice, and the Doctor’s witty quandary about the lack of a ‘shop’ on the ground floor and the palatial superficiality of the hospital itself, cue Rose’s line ‘hardly the NHS’, only qualify as schoolboy level satire, but not as the genuine article. Similar opportunities were missed in The Long Game (bar a couple of vaguely satirical lines from the Nurse) especially; and any topical tags in the End of the World fell completely flat on their faces, in particular the Earth being run by the National Trust when the logical progression would have been International Trust. Oh well, not everyone can be Robert Holmes I suppose. But most people can at least be Bob Baker and Dave Martin, and RTD even falls short of their scriptural standards. He is genuinely good at dialogue when he puts his mind to it, but one gets the impression he loses interest easily, even in his own story lines.

As with The Christmas Invasion, New Earth’s visual spectacle – bar the highly unconvincing spaceship graphics and obviously superimposed hospital exterior – is not enough to keep it afloat, and the plot simply fails to inspire or even particularly interest. Nothing new is being said or done that hasn’t been said or done in a Who story before. The zombies were very reminiscent of the freeze-dried corpses in Dragonfire, a comparable story in many ways, though even more preferable I feel to New Earth’s rather sterile, gimmicky filmic schlock. This music is really grating on me now too – apart from a fairly well orchestrated, though wholly inappropriate John Barry-esque score halfway through, the rest of the irritatingly tinny music either end of the episode was tacky to the ear. The music needs more menace and atmosphere; as does the direction in general.

A new smugness is forming already between Rose and the Tenth Doctor, which simply has to be abandoned. The Doctor must take the series by the scruff of its neck from now on and dominate it. Tenant is beginning to show signs of this here and there but his sudden moralistic outbursts sit oddly on his generally laidback persona, as they did with Sylvester McCoy’s Doctor too, an incarnation best suited to the polarities of clowning or introspective brooding as typified in The Curse of Fenric, but not to the face-contorting outbursts of Battlefield and Ghost Light. Let’s hope Tenant is more carefully handled. He’s a good actor, he has charisma to an extent, but I’m still not convinced by him yet. He’s one step up in suitability from Eccleston but he still would have fallen far short of my own shortlist. Nevertheless, he has the potential to make the part his own for a memorable tenure, and could well prove a fairly distinctive Doctor in time.

From what I’ve read about the next episode, Tooth and Claw, it could very well provide the redemption as a Who writer that RTD presently needs. We’ll see…

New Earth score: 4/10