New Earth

Having endured the flatulent self-indulgence of Aliens of London and the infantile pop culture references of The End of the World and Bad Wolf while somehow managing to bite my tongue, I can do so no longer after wincing my way through New Earth.

Was I watching a different programme to the one most Outpost Gallifrey reviewers saw last Saturday? Judging by many of the comments posted thus far, yes. To my mind, this was the episode that, more than any other, saw the light shine through the Emperor's New Clothes. Flabby, smug and erratically paced, it managed to squander some genuinely intriguing ideas amid a sea of painting-by-numbers CGI, ghastly incidental muzak, and gratuitous sexual innuendo.

Aside from some nauseating (if predictable) canoodling between Doctor and companion and a garbled, rather nonsensical 'explanation' of the new colony's origins by the former, the story started out reasonably enough, introducing some amusingly larger-than-life incidental characters and posing interesting questions about the true nature of the impressively realised hospital. The feline nurses were nicely underplayed, and there were some refreshingly subtle references to topical issues such as MRSA - proving RTD does have it in him to use allegory to make a point about the present, rather than simply transplanting Big Brother wholesale to an implausibly far-flung future.

For a good 15 minutes or so it trots along merrily, with our hero letting his curiosity lead him, headfirst, into trouble in refreshingly traditional Who vein. But then it all goes terribly wrong...

I won't bother itemising everything that, in my view, lets this episode down. If I simply confine myself to saying that the whole experience left me with a tremendous sense of deja-vu related to uncomfortable memories of Time and the Rani, I'm sure readers will get my drift. Villainous diva with doting grotesque as sidekick poses as Doctor's companion; otherwise decent Doc forced to ham it up in crassly scripted 'instability' scenes; garishly colourful costumes and effects; frenetic 'rent-a-score' drum beats undermine any iota of tension...Need I go on? Hell, even the Centre of Leisure made an appearance near the end, when Cassandra appeared in her evening dress at that chintzy nightclub. (Incidentally, the dinner suits were 'sooo Five Billion', weren't they?)

To be honest, I am sure this episode was a genuine misfire and that far better is to come later in the season. Next week's trailer looked promising (though I, for one, hope the much-vaunted "Tarantino" camerawork is kept to a minimum to allow the tale itself room to breathe), and the clips of School Reunion and The Girl in the Fireplace bode well. Sooner or later, though, questions must surely be asked about why it is that RTD's own episodes have been so comparatively sub-standard? With the exception of the surprisingly thoughtful Boom Town, none of his episodes have paused for breath. And this "restlessness" (as Nick Courtney describes it incisively in his new autobiography) is starting to become, at best, exhausting and, at worst, tedious.

Yes, RTD deserves praise and gratitude for resurrecting this beloved show and attracting writers and actors of calibre to bring it back to life. Yes, he is a good dialogue writer (though the extent to which this is demonstrated in his Who scripts is open to debate). But look beyond the surface sheen of Saturday's episode (and, let's face it, with the money and technology now at the production team's disposal, they have little excuse for it to look anything but polished) and is there really much there of substance? Referring to the Doctor and Rose, RTD commented in his recent Radio Times interview that there is "an overconfidence" about them at times which could prove "their downfall". On the evidence of New Earth, he'd be wise to bear these words in mind himself...

Twenty years ago, fans were ready to lynch JN-T for the slightest concession to slapstick - or even, dare I say it, popular culture. Today, some are deifying RTD for doing much the same thing. Devoid of today's budget, though, would the wilder excesses of his 'new vision' for Who really compare any more favourably with the work of his predecessor? I think not.