There are cheers in the small pub, where writers such as David Fisher (Creature From The Pit) and Pip and Jane Baker (Time and The Rani) meet. For finally, there is a new contender for WORST DOCTOR WHO STORY EVER!

I havenВ’t submitted a review for series two yet, partly due to time constraints, and partly down to the fact that I havenВ’t felt it necessary. Series Two has been quite happily ticking along, building on the success of Series One, and often surpassing it.

LetВ’s look at the good part. The Abzorbaloff, despite a rubbish name, is a very imaginatively thought out alien, coming as it does from the mind of a nine year old boy. Creepy, too, when you think about what happens to the victims. An excellent addition to the Dr Who pantheon. On paper.

However, the only person worthy of praise here, IS the nine-year old Blue Peter competition winner. Peter Kay is superb as Victor Kennedy, but just becomes Peter Kay when his true form is revealed. But IВ’m getting ahead of myself here. LetВ’s start at the very beginning (as I am told itВ’s a very good place to startВ…)

The experimental storytelling, from EltonВ’s POV, sucks. It neednВ’t have, but it does. The problem is, that as this episode contains little sight of the Doctor and Rose, any experimental elements need to be balanced by something familiar. New way of telling the story, plus new monster, plus new group of Mickey/Clive/Ricky style В“defenders of the earthВ” doesnВ’t work.

If this WAS going to work, it needed an old villain, or to centre on someone weВ’ve met before В– maybe a real-Earth version of Mrs Price. As it was, the story did not feel like a Doctor Who, even with the early shot set in the warehouse. Then we had the flashbacks to Rose, Aliens of London, and Christmas Invasion. Disjointed narrative works in things like X-Files, but even that show grounded its more off the wall stories firmly in the Mulder/Scully universe.

EltonВ’s search for the Doctor smacked too much of RoseВ’s contact with Clive, and the formation of L.I.N.D.A was a cheap, fanw**ky reference to Doctor Who fan groups. Once Victor arrived, and started them on a proper investigative trail (telegraphing his evil nature early on by the offscreen absorption of Bliss), the episode descended into soap. JackieВ’s В“seductionВ” of Elton was clumsy, OTT, and straight out of one of those soap operas that show in the daytime schedules. Its obvious that RTD has never encountered the attentions of an older woman. Besides, Jackie is an attractive woman for her age В– the very concept that she would need to seduce a hapless geek is quite insane. Of course, the ep lifts itself briefly, when Jackie has one of her В“outragedВ” moments, on discovering she was just being used.

Then we head into the Abzorbaloff strand. Frankly, although the lad who created the concept is no doubt pleased as punch to see his creation brought to life, by the time heВ’s in his mid-20В’s, heВ’ll be trying to sue the BBC for wrongful representation. For the first time since the seriesВ’ return, we have an obvious В“man in a rubber suitВ” monster. Its awful. Again, I must re-iterate that I donВ’t blame the boy, but the 30-somethings that realised his dream.

Things do pick up in the last 10 minutes, although Rose and the Doctor arrive a little too late to save the episode. Once again, in a desperate attempt to ground the episode in the seriesВ’ milieu, it is revealed that the Abzorbaloff is from the twin planet of Raxicorifallipatorius В– and a slip of the script hints that the Slitheen are a race, rather than a family (its unlikely the Abzorbaloff would have such venomous dislike for a single family). We get no indication of the В‘LoffВ’s motives for tracking down the Doctor.

Finally, to give the episode a В“yeuchВ” factor, thereВ’s the disturbing concept of the В“love-lifeВ” Elton enjoys with Ursula in her paving slab form.

After the episode aired, it occurred to me that the weakest episodes of both Series One and Two, are those that were written by RTD himself. This episode in particular has the air of someone who has a toy that he wants to play with, but is ignoring the instructions. Series Two has 3 episodes to redeem itself, and lessons must be learned, or Series 3 will be the lastВ…

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

Not only is this the worst episode of the 2006 series, not only is it the worst episode of the 2005 & 2006 series (even worse than the awful "The Long Game") but this is the worst episode in the whole history of Doctor Who! It is astounding that it was given the green light but since RTD is an executive producer as well as head writer I suppose there is nobody to stop him churning out whatever drivel he wants to.

"Love and Monsters" shows once and for all that RTD cannot write Doctor Who stories. This was in many ways not a Doctor Who story in that the Doctor and Rose are hardly in it. The "plot" is absurd. A group of people who meet to discuss the mysterious "Doctor" end up working for the equally mysterious Peter Kay. Kay turns out to be an alien who absorbs people and wants to absorb the Doctor. To go into more detail would just be too tedious.

The acting is good, especially from Marc Warren, considering the poor material that the cast has to work with.

This episode shows yet again RTD's inability to plot properly. He comes up with a few ideas slaps them together and hey presto an episode of Doctor Who appears! It is significant that the best plotted of all RTD's episodes has been "Tooth and Claw" which he was not originally scheduled to write. RTD may think much of "Love and Monsters" is funny but it's actually just stupid.

I still find it amazing that RTD won the Dennis Potter award for writing. That is surely an indictment of the lack of good writers working in TV.

If this episode is a signpost for the future then Doctor Who is heading in a direction that will make the era of JNT at it's worst look like a golden age.

3/10

What on earth was all that about!!!!!!!! A pity after two genuinely excellent episodes.

I’ve tried to be careful not include spoilers. I don’t think I have..

First of all The Doctor and his assistant Rose are barely in it. Much of the programme is narrated (yes narrated) by Marc Warren, who plays someone who first met the Doctor when he was eight. He meets up with others who have also met the Doctor at some point in the past. The programme is much about them, whereas the Doctor and Rose make only fleeting appearances.

It is also another supposedly funny episode, although I thought that most of the humour widely missed the mark. Some of the humour is along the same lines as the Slitheen episodes of the first series. It is also another episode written by Russell T. Davies, so perhaps I should not be surprised at how weak the episode was, as he has been widely criticised for some of his weak scripts. To be fair he has written some strong scripts too.

Don’t get me wrong. There have been some excellent episodes this series, for example the previous two to this shambolic effort, and The Girl in the Fireplace. I just think that there are far too many weak episodes in this series, perhaps due to the fact that the writers used up most of their best ideas in the first season (although there were a few below par episodes there too).

Lesson number one then writers, (if you ever visit), too much humour in Doctor Who doesn’t work.

Lesson two, the humour used is too infantile to appeal to anyone over the age of 11 (yes I know the family audience is a target - but still).

Saying that, the joke at the end was obviously targeted at adults - in fact I thought it rather witty. How the allowed this joke so early in the evening surprises me - but I guess kids wouldn’t understand it.

To conclude - I will continue watching after thoroughly enjoying the first season, but if we continuing getting a larger number of weak episodes to the stronger ones - well I might just give up, bu

I've always wanted a story seen from The Master's perspective. I may yet. LOVE & MONSTERS was no season filler. MISSION TO THE UNKNOWN aside, which for contractual reasons did not feature the TARDIS crew and was a prelude to THE DALEKS MASTERPLAN which did, this was the very first time in the history of DR. WHO that an entire story did not revolve from the POV of either The Doctor or Companion. Yet the Doctor was so central to Elton & the LINDA group, that the sparse air-time David Tennant & Billie Piper could fit in among filming "THE IMPOSSIBLE PLANET" & "THE SATAN PIT" didn't matter.

With Marc Warren's endearingly vulnerable Elton Pope, I'm hoping this will be an audition piece for a new semi-regular character. I love his BUDGIE-esque cheekie chappy con man in HUSTLE and he now joins Edward da Souza in a very exclusive club (just two) of leading men who are not The Doctor.

And the unusual approach and framing was novel and worked. Elton's video diary. Lots of montage shots (nice cutaway to Elton John), happy upbeat atmosphere and ELO. The humanity and warmth that sprang from the close-knit LINDA group was life-affirming and should inspire loads more small, manageable & personal DR. WHO groups - which may well have been the intention.

They were a continuation of Clive from the opening episode of last year, which itself was continued by Mickey via TV & TARDISODE: the figure at the Internet, trying to uncover the unknown. As a bonus, we even returned to where it all started. The 2005 Auton invasion - coupled by that month's chart-topper, Peter Kay. The Autons were a lovely gesture for Russell to throw in. They have now appeared in four stories and I refuse to accept there won't be a fifth. In fact the reprising of classic moments from the new series helped build up Elton's story and would persuade those not immediately drawn by the offbeat approach this was still DR. WHO they were watching.

Jackie was so Jackie, so it looked like Elton would succeed in his penetration exercise. Really grown-up DR. WHO, but she was daffy & he was likeable. Then the photo of Rose was discovered, so Game Up. Jackie delivered the previously unspoken - on behalf of all those mothers, fathers, boyfriends, girlfriends and colleagues that are "left behind". Given the usually spot-on interpretations of the Ood and the news on BBC 24 this week, we must pray for her sake that Rose will return, permanently. Anyway, Jackie must have got on the mobile to Rose - because she and The Doctor came from the other side of the solar system to confront Elton. So we have this juxtaposed image of the galactic & the ordinary Earthbound that was classic DR. WHO in the 70s, re-energised following the first two-parter on an alien world.

Peter Kay's Victor Kennedy voice was so unlike his own and so convincing. Elton was finding love at LINDA, but Victor was working his way through the team one by one. He was the Absorboton, Absorbolon, the Absorbaloff ("Yes, I like that!"). A truly inspired bit of invention from nine year old BLUE PETER competition winner, William Grantham. If Russell hadn't run that competition, this wouldn't have happened. Is it going to happen again next year? Funnily enough, I imagined Peter Kay filling out the Absorbaloff.

When I first saw the hideous obese green swine come to life, I thought one of the absorbed human heads was The Doctor, but it turned out to be the equally bespectacled Ursula. Saved, of sorts, by The Doctor - because he couldn't help Elton's Mum. There's something very Father Christmassy about Davies'/Tennant's take on The Doctor. The Time Lord as Angel. Very endearing. Elton was left with Ursula's face on the paving stone. Genius wit from Russell T when Elton remarked they even "had a love life, of sorts, but we manage". A whole lotta oral going on! Of course, it would have gone right over the heads of kids, but it was a gem.

Russell T. Davies' experiment has worked. "LOVE & MONSTERS" was one of his best scripts. There must be one completely left of field episode like this (or rather, not like anything!) again next year and for every subsequent series of DR. WHO.

"Are you sure we are on the right channel Dad? This isn't Doctor Who."
(Alastair James... Age 6 )

Out of the mouths of babes !

I don't know whether to praise this episode for attempting to break free of normal expectations or ridicule it for being so far off the mark it lost sight of 'Who' and what it was.

And because I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, it leaves me with one major problem...which is...I quite enjoyed it.

But how can this be?..this is NOT WHO...but then, wasn't that kind of the point.

I enjoyed it in the same way that I enjoyed the comic relief Who sketches, and as such it had a lot of fun about it and some interesting alternative perspectives. It would have been nice to have seen or heard something of Clive, the original Whovian detective from 'Rose' episode one ( before his demise at the hands of the Autons ) as he would clearly have fitted right in with this group.

And yet...there it is again... that little voice...
..this is NOT WHO
..this is NOT WHO
..this is NOT WHO...

...and if it's not Who...then why has it taken up a whole episode of real Who that could have been put to good use with a decent story line?

I certainly liked the concept. A whole episode seen through another's eyes, but for it to really work it would had to have been the most gritty and realistic of the season so far. Fathers Day worked fantastically for just that reason. It took itself 100% seriously. It was a painful, emotive bitter sweet slice of real life that just happened to get tangled up in the world of the Doctor. If this episode had taken itself as seriously it could have been superb. As Clive said..." he brings death in his wake" that's the legacy of the Doctor for so many people. Yes there is triumph and victory, but also death and pain and loss. By the end of this episode, the main character, Elton, should have been cursing the doctor as an enemy. The death of his mother, the loss of his friends, all because the Doctor 'got it wrong'...that in itself is a worthwhile idea to explore. The doctor makes mistakes, he's vulnerable, sometimes he actually makes things worse. He's a renegade for goodness sakes, by all accounts a pretty damn dangerous one at that. If this episode had brought out some of his Hartnell dark side it might have worked.

And what of Tennant? Admittedly, he was deliberately left out of most of this episode, but it still brings into question his 'ownership' of the role. For all that I had issues with Ecclston, I never doubted for a minute that he believed he was the Doctor. Tennants performances so far ( with a few exceptions...Reunion, Tooth and Claw ) have been some what lacking in energy. I think this is partly down to the writing. Eccleston was given some brilliant dialogue. With it being the first season it was needed as we were introducing the character to a whole new generation. We had the ancient history and past encounters to draw upon to flesh out the Doctors personality. Tennent's tenancy of the role has not been given the same regular dialogue opportunities. But even then, I get the sense at times that he doesn't really want to be there. Like his heart just isn't in it. In this particular episode he only gets a few minutes of screen time...but if he were the REAL Doctor ( you know what I mean here...I mean Baker or Pertwee...or yes, Eccleston ) he would have still FILLED the screen for those few minutes. His lack of 'presence' at times is a concern for me and one I hope he will resolve next season when he really feels like he owns the part. I also miss those 'Baker' moments...you know, the ones, where you're watching and the doctor says or does something and you just KNOW it wasn't in the script, it was a genuine moment of on set inspiration. Some of the episodes are becoming very clinical, sterile, obviously following the script so tightly they don't leave enough room for the actors to inject anything personal into it.

And personal was where this episode ultimately fell down. That was the essential ingredient for it to work at all as a premise.

I wanted to believe. I wanted to get inside Elton's head and really understand why HE believed so deeply. That comes down to soul searching emotional depths of internal analysis. It's a story that says, ' we are who we are because of what the word has done to us' ...in this case because of what the Doctor has done to him, his effect, his influence, his horror. This episode could have revealed more about the Doctor THROUGH the eyes and experiences of Elton than any episode before it.

Instead, we get the RTD treatment...the girl friend as a slab of concrete, the alien with a northern men's club accent ( I'll suck ya up and lick ya bones...but first, let me tell you 'bout the mother in law..." Blue bucket, red bucket...and CUE the BENNY HILL silly running about routine...So...the Abzorbalof was designed by an eight year old....did he write the script as well? These can all be added to the list of RTD indiscretions for the purist Whovian. The burping wheelie bin, the farting aliens, Jackie Tyler, Jackie Tyler...and let's not forget...Jackie Tyler. He really is going to have to redeem himself in the last two episodes.

Just because Sci-Fi is fictional doesn't mean it can't be believable. Fiction, science fiction in particular, has a duty to act as a mirror. It has the ability to pass social and political comment on the state of the world in such a unique way that we actually listen for once. Or at least...GOOD Sci-Fi can.

Was THIS good Sci-Fi? Did it change anything? Did it make you think? Did it effect you in any way?

DID IT WORK?

I think the answer I inevitably have to come to is...no. It was an interesting idea that turned into candy floss and washed away in the rain.

And yet, I hope that in itself does not deter the production team from trying such a thing again. If you look back on Who history, it is the 'Ghostlight's'of the Who universe that make it such a rich, varied and often rewarding place to belong. The episodes that took you places in a way you just weren't expecting were often the ones that stayed with you the longest. You only have to look at the dreadful format driven structural rigidity of American Sci-Fi to see how ultimately unrewarding such a path is. You see one episode of Voyager, you've seen them all.

So let's not look too closely at the questionnaires of a cross section of the viewing public in order to determine what will work and what will not. Let's not follow the insipid routine of format derived script to obtain maximum viewing figures from the lowest common denominator and the cheapest budget.

In short...let's not think about it too much. It was fun. Like it or hate it, it has been an episode that has given us all something to talk about.

BBC Wales clearly love the work they are doing. They obviously care about Who and what happens to it in the future. The fact that they have already shown such reverence and loyalty in linking the old with the new and maintaining the bond between them should mean that we continue to trust them.

Great Love comes with Great risk. Love and Monsters was not Who. It was a chance taken that didn't pay off.

But it was still a chance worth taking.

Perhaps next time, in the hands of a writer like the great and mighty Moffet, this will be the sort of episode that will reshape the way we think of Who altogether.

Unfortunately, not this time. What was this episode like?..

"Tastes like chicken"

I never really write reviews, but was forced to this week, because although I lack a TARDIS, I can see whats coming. This week the wonderful Gallifrey One will be completely full of the old guard В“Moaning MyrtlesВ” whining about Russell's scripts. It's coming now. How Dr Who has been cheapened, dumbed down, made for Kids, and so on. I have now watched it three times, and it's 03:45am.

Oh for GODS SAKES! Dry UP Myrtles! Along with your VHS collections.

This week's В“Love and MonstersВ” was a hugely entertaining 45 mins. A HUGE risk, keeping the Dr and Rose to a minimum in a series called В“Doctor WhoВ”, but this ep made some excellent valid points and showed the immense range the writing team have. This was Doctor Who's В“Once more with FeelingВ”. A massive risk that just paid off, perfectly. Where does one start?

First, it was great to be able to explore the Dr's universe from a new point of view. For a long time we have seen the Dr's life through Rose, so this was a refreshing change. We get to see Jackie's view from a third party. It is Doctor Who, as we explore someone's life through a different view, and although the Dr and Rose are fairly lacking, we see the impact they have on peoples lives, which reinforces the feeling that Rose and the Dr's carefree attitude is leading to something bigger. Since the Press Release, we all know whats coming, but this series, as with the last, is so well constructed we only get to start joining the dots now. This is why I feel it has been so important to follow Jackie and Micky. Our Myrtles complain about 'Soap Opera', but this is vital to the series. If I vanished with the Dr, what would it do to my Mum, or Dad, or Boyfriend? We're out to get a new legion of fans here, to keep the series alive after all of us that kept things going during the quiet TV years going shuffle off. EastEnders, Corrie and so on have made TV very different to audiences these days, and this is why Dr Who had to evolve to come back.

Next, the music. Murray has worked a blinder this season. Everything from last season has been used perfectly to help bring new viewers over the regeneration. The motif's, the incidental, has always been totally right. This episode we hear ELO, which is just perfect, as was В“The Lion Sleeps TonightВ”, as was В“ToxicВ”. Murray, please please keep going as you are. Impossible/Satan introduced some perfect stuff, that made them gripping, and I know you are building on the score as hard as Russell works on building the scripts. Also, loved the reference to В“FriendsВ” in the songs by Bliss. Very Phoebe.

Peter Kay. Brilliant. В“Every Planet has a NorthВ”, and we're also reminded of previous episodes in a flashback here. MUST be a reason. Russell's good like that! In Peter's case, I only know him as a comedian, so to see him play this so well was a pleasant surprise. Again, the costume department need an award, but Peter brought this to life in a great new way. Casting brought us Ecclestone for #9, Piper as Rose, all left bat, but they were right. Again they are here.

The story? Personally, I loved it. Something so off tack again, challenging us, delivering a great dose of humor, and relief. After the darkness of Impossible/Satan, this was the sweet to the last 2 weeks sour. Should not work, but served together and in the right amounts they worked so well. Somehow I doubt Russell is going to deliver Pork to be garnished with this sauce thats been so well prepared.

To sum up, I have not had one bad story as yet, In either new series, and the series continues to deliver. David, Billie, Russell, to name 3, but everyone tagged in the titles deserves an award for В“EventВ” television. Not one person I know has not enjoyed every ep, so I am glad about that. I also wonder if Russell had a bit of В“Tounge in CheekВ” casting В“Moaning MyrtleВ” in this Ep, as it will be the one the usual traditionalists bitch about.

If you love good drama, good comedy, good characters, and a great story (cut the USA audience out straight away then!) watch this one. Open mind, think Buffy's В“Once more with FeelingВ”, suspend disbelief, and have a wicked wicked wonderful 45 mins.