Love & Monsters

There are cheers in the small pub, where writers such as David Fisher (Creature From The Pit) and Pip and Jane Baker (Time and The Rani) meet. For finally, there is a new contender for WORST DOCTOR WHO STORY EVER!

I havenВ’t submitted a review for series two yet, partly due to time constraints, and partly down to the fact that I havenВ’t felt it necessary. Series Two has been quite happily ticking along, building on the success of Series One, and often surpassing it.

LetВ’s look at the good part. The Abzorbaloff, despite a rubbish name, is a very imaginatively thought out alien, coming as it does from the mind of a nine year old boy. Creepy, too, when you think about what happens to the victims. An excellent addition to the Dr Who pantheon. On paper.

However, the only person worthy of praise here, IS the nine-year old Blue Peter competition winner. Peter Kay is superb as Victor Kennedy, but just becomes Peter Kay when his true form is revealed. But IВ’m getting ahead of myself here. LetВ’s start at the very beginning (as I am told itВ’s a very good place to startВ…)

The experimental storytelling, from EltonВ’s POV, sucks. It neednВ’t have, but it does. The problem is, that as this episode contains little sight of the Doctor and Rose, any experimental elements need to be balanced by something familiar. New way of telling the story, plus new monster, plus new group of Mickey/Clive/Ricky style В“defenders of the earthВ” doesnВ’t work.

If this WAS going to work, it needed an old villain, or to centre on someone weВ’ve met before В– maybe a real-Earth version of Mrs Price. As it was, the story did not feel like a Doctor Who, even with the early shot set in the warehouse. Then we had the flashbacks to Rose, Aliens of London, and Christmas Invasion. Disjointed narrative works in things like X-Files, but even that show grounded its more off the wall stories firmly in the Mulder/Scully universe.

EltonВ’s search for the Doctor smacked too much of RoseВ’s contact with Clive, and the formation of L.I.N.D.A was a cheap, fanw**ky reference to Doctor Who fan groups. Once Victor arrived, and started them on a proper investigative trail (telegraphing his evil nature early on by the offscreen absorption of Bliss), the episode descended into soap. JackieВ’s В“seductionВ” of Elton was clumsy, OTT, and straight out of one of those soap operas that show in the daytime schedules. Its obvious that RTD has never encountered the attentions of an older woman. Besides, Jackie is an attractive woman for her age В– the very concept that she would need to seduce a hapless geek is quite insane. Of course, the ep lifts itself briefly, when Jackie has one of her В“outragedВ” moments, on discovering she was just being used.

Then we head into the Abzorbaloff strand. Frankly, although the lad who created the concept is no doubt pleased as punch to see his creation brought to life, by the time heВ’s in his mid-20В’s, heВ’ll be trying to sue the BBC for wrongful representation. For the first time since the seriesВ’ return, we have an obvious В“man in a rubber suitВ” monster. Its awful. Again, I must re-iterate that I donВ’t blame the boy, but the 30-somethings that realised his dream.

Things do pick up in the last 10 minutes, although Rose and the Doctor arrive a little too late to save the episode. Once again, in a desperate attempt to ground the episode in the seriesВ’ milieu, it is revealed that the Abzorbaloff is from the twin planet of Raxicorifallipatorius В– and a slip of the script hints that the Slitheen are a race, rather than a family (its unlikely the Abzorbaloff would have such venomous dislike for a single family). We get no indication of the В‘LoffВ’s motives for tracking down the Doctor.

Finally, to give the episode a В“yeuchВ” factor, thereВ’s the disturbing concept of the В“love-lifeВ” Elton enjoys with Ursula in her paving slab form.

After the episode aired, it occurred to me that the weakest episodes of both Series One and Two, are those that were written by RTD himself. This episode in particular has the air of someone who has a toy that he wants to play with, but is ignoring the instructions. Series Two has 3 episodes to redeem itself, and lessons must be learned, or Series 3 will be the lastВ…