New Earth

I feel so mean criticising my favourite series. I feel even meaner criticising the man who single-handedly brought the Doctor back and set it off in completely the right direction for the situation to now be that people of all ages actually give a monkeys about Doctor Who. But I feel that I've given RTD an entire season's benefit of the doubt, I even defended the pig. So I don't feel so very bad for being very, very disappointed with the first episode of the new season (albeit on initial viewing and writing a review merely seconds after it's broadcast).

I don't think that Russell T Davies is a very funny man. I think that encapsulates my problem nicely. The jokes aren't funny. "Chavtastic!" Not funny, but the funniest of a long line of turds.

I don't think Russell T Davies has that much originality. Which is fine when it comes to doing a quick Nestene story rehash to (re)introduce this character called the Doctor (or was it about introducing Rose?) and get everything off to a flying start. But MORE ZOMBIES? 'The Unquiet Dead' did that nicely enough, even the Autons in Rose were pretty Zombie-like, recalling 'Dawn Of The Dead' in the shopping mall. I wonder if the makers of the Matrix (not the Timelords, you goon, the Bros. Wachowski) will be having a word with RTD about the vast expanses of cells filled with humans kept alive in order to keep something else alive. Mind you, Eric Saward might be on the phone too: Hospital? Everything clean and white and miraculous on the surface? Underneath there's something pretty unpleasant going on? I was so, so, so hoping that the Sisters Of Plenitude were going to be above board. The only chance this story had of a twist would have been the cat-nuns (where were the cat-monks, by the way?) were actually just there to help people (which, in a way, they were). And am I alone in being reminded of the first Scooby-Doo film by the repeated (and repetetive) migration of Cassandra's consciousness? Even down to all the "I've got boobs!"-schtick. Mind you 'Freaky Friday', 'Big', blah blah blah.

I know that Doctor Who has always been a bit of a hot-bed for border-line plagarism, but I thought that was one of the elements of the old series that the viewer looked upon affectionately, perhaps indulgently. I thought the people making the new series were as aware of this feature/quirk/failing of the old series. I thought they would try a little harder. And by 'they' I think I really mean 'RTD'.

And a final gripe: I don't think Russell T Davies actually thought very carefully about how he was going to get that kiss in there. Just me, I thought he'd earnt and worked up to the 9th Doctor and Rose's kiss. This just seemed a dumb thing for Cassandra's character to do. It was also the source of more misfiring humour.

I don't think Russell T Davies should write any more scripts. I wish he'd let people who are good do it.

Mind you, I thought 'The Christmas Invasion' was genuinely brilliant. So was 'The Parting Of The Ways'. Perhaps he can only be trusted when he's got something important to do. Please Russell, I know you'll read this if it gets put up on Outpost Gallifrey, not only because it's useful, but also because you think Jos Whedon's brilliant (which he undoubtedly is). Save yourself, get more people to write the stories. You're getting tired, you need a sit-down.