Logopolis

There seems to be a theory in Doctor Who fandom that Logopolis is one of the best stories to have ever been transmitted and that it is a fitting and climatic end to the ultimate Doctor’s reign. Well I say dog doo-doos to that and more besides. Logopolis is no-where near the best Doctor Who story, it certainly isn’t the best Tom Baker story and it’s not even the best of season eighteen. It’s a story that aspires to greatness but never quite reaches it, that teases with a coherent storyline but instead delights in frustrating a random viewer. It is the weakest Christopher H Bidmead story by a square mile and reveals that the poor guy is running out of steam after practically re-writing every single story for the season (or so he claims). 

Often praised is the feeling of doom throughout, that teeth chattering sense of unease as we approach the end of the fourth Doctor. I have to agree whole-heartedly that Tom Baker, director Peter Grimwade and musician Paddy Kingsland all work hard as hell to make sure that any feeling of entertainment is sucked out of the end result. The story is just too depressing, never ending doom, brotherly rivalry, universal destruction, portents of death…oh yes perfect for those of us who want to dissect the thing and explore all the emotional nuances but not a whole lot of fun to watch. For me the Tom Baker years epitomise what was great about Doctor Who, no matter which producers term you dip into there is a touch of magic to be found (hard as nails Hinchcliffe, fluffy Williams or polished JNT) but they truly missed the point with his swansong, a depressing hour and a half devoted to mathematics.

Ladies and gentlemen will you all give a warm round of applause to that sparkling personality from the land of Oz…Teeeegaaaan Jovankaaaa! The feeling that all hope for the series has finally arrived in the form of a hysterical, wrist-flapping ball of anger. Janet Fielding’s entrance is actually not as bad as I feared; there is some attempt to create a likable person here. At least in episode one…her scenes with her jolly Aunty Vanessa are a joy and (for me) the highpoint of the tale because it injects a little humour. Tegan’s reaction to stumbling into the TARDIS is probably the most natural since Ian and Barbara way back in 1963…sheer horror. Unfortunately this leads to endless tiresome scenes of the woman wandering the corridors and blubbing, which quickly dispel any idea that she might be an empowered female companion. To be frank it’s a pretty poor performance by Janet Fielding whatever way you look at it…she can’t do angry (“I DEMAND TO SEE WHOEVERS IN CHARGE OF THIS SHIP!”) or happiness (“EARTH!” she screams at the camera in what I’m sure is supposed to be funny) or revulsion (“You revolting man!” she spits with a rather pathetic slap) and alas even regular informative dialogue seems to be a challenge (just listen to how amateurishly she says “Nyssa and Adric have gone after the Master!”). Like a whirlwind of emotion I can see how some Mikes enjoy her ‘drama’ (because hey it provided a bit of spice in an otherwise bland era!) but if I were on board the TARDIS I would risk the vacuum of space over an adventure with her. 

After his spectacular return in The Keeper of Traken this is the story that tips the Master back into melodramatic territory. Taking over universe? What again? Doesn’t he ever get tired of that same old plan that is inevitably thwarted by you know Who. I understand the purpose of the Master in this story…to bring the universe to the brink of collapse as a backdrop for the even more powerful drama between the Doctor and his archenemy (there is a delicious touch of Holmes/Moriarty as the Doctor and the Master stand at a great height and tussle). I realise Bidmead wants the Doctor to go out in a blaze of glory, defeating pure evil but I cannot invest an ounce of credibility in the Master when he is played with such cartoonish conviction by Anthony Ainley. The man who gave us the sensitive and thoughtful Tremas just one story ago seems to have lost all sense of subtlety and poured into a mock-evil costume he never, ever seems capable of the catastrophic events he causes here. How someone as goonish as the Master could wipe out half the bloody universe is beyond me…hey maybe there’s hope for Scrappy Doo yet! Without a strong, believable villain this story (and particularly the climax) is sabotaged beyond repair. He is given little motive (and after recovering from his emaciated state you might think he would want to hide out for a while instead of leaping back into the universal domination game) besides being evil and that just exposes how flimsy a villain he was all along. Basically he destroys stuff because he’s the Master…that’s just what he does. Boring lazy writing. Frankly after a year of excellent baddies I expected more. 

Miaow! Get the claws away Joe! Unfortunately I cannot because the entire story is just one (padded) long-winded excuse to get the Doctor to the top of that tower and fall off. It seems to abandon all sense of structure by diverting itself wherever it pleases to fit the JNT series changes. The first episode is just an excuse to introduce Tegan…there is little other reason to spend half an hour on a bypass (except to measure a police box…hmm), the second wastes plenty of time on the Doctor’s foolish and inexplicably stupid scheme to ‘flush’ out the Master. The story doesn’t actually begin until the end of the second episode until we reach Logopolis but that’s where the tedium really settles in…

Whilst the idea of a planet being held together by pure mathematics is an intriguing one (albeit a little dull…why can’t we have a planet made out of treacle?) the execution of Logopolis is dire. We are talking original Star Trek style ‘outside’ sets here, bushy wigged nerds hiding in polystyrene rock alcoves and (most brilliantly of all) cardboard cut out rows of actors to give the impression that there are far more people involved in this project than there actually are! The model shot of Logopolis doesn’t seem to tie in with the sets either and unfortunately before we can get to the actual content of the story the visuals are embarrassing and distracting. 

These sequences are boring. There I said it. With the Doctor stuck in a shrinking TARDIS, Nyssa shoehorned into the action from no-where and being controlled by the Master in her fathers body, Tegan shrieking and Adric reading out a bunch of sums I cannot say this exactly thrill a minute. Suddenly from no-where it appears that Logopolis is responsible for holding the entire universe together (say what???) and the Master has set about its (and Logopolises) destruction. There is also some guff about CVEs that non-regular viewer Joe Bloggs does not have clue about and does not care that it was set up way back when in Full Circle. Cue lots of cardboard stone bouncing around the set and a desperate rush to Earth to make sure that entropy is filtered through the CVEs and not into the universe. This sudden revelation would carry more weight had it been set up with a few hints but it just feels like whack bam…there’s the danger now we’ve got Tegan, Nyssa and the Master involved…deal with it. Besides does that mean all these other universe is getting all our crap flushed into them? In the end of the day it’s a bunch of non-characters (does anybody honestly see any depth to Adric, Tegan, Nyssa, the Monitor or the Master?) chatting about universal devastation the likes of which could never be portrayed on screen convincingly. 

Its only when things return to Earth that events get a little bit exciting. I hate to admit this but my favourite scene in Logopolis is when the Doctor and co are being chased by the guards around the Pharos Project to some reject seventies chase music. It’s exhilarating and fun and silly…everything Doctor Who should be. Plus the location work here is lovely, a gorgeous sunny morning, perfect for running about in. 

What’s the deal with the Watcher? Is there ever an explanation as to why this wraith like creature should disturb the fourth Doctor in his last days? Its another mystery is a script that is full of wrong decisions and unanswered questions. Yes Tom Baker’s haunted reaction to the creature is spine tingling but it serves no real purpose but to remind us that Tom is leaving. Oh boo hoo, get over it. It pads out the story a bit more too. Those fans who said they cried when he fell off the tower and melts into the Watcher need to get out more, this isn’t emotional drama…its audience manipulation and Doctor Who rarely stoops to such levels. The fifth Doctor’s heroic sacrifice for Peri…now that was tear jerking but some ghost who pops up to say “Oi you… you’re gonna die!” that’s just silly. 

Tom Baker did deserve a big finish and certainly saving the entire universe seems the way to go. However saving the entire universe by pulling out a wire…that’s an anti-climax. And again he is let down by an unspectacular array of poor special FX which undermine the gravity of the event. Season eighteen looks GORGEOUS for fucks sakes why the hell couldn’t you have saved a bit of money for THE most important event of the last seven years? It’s bloody Planet of the Spiders all over again. Gaah…it just makes me so mad that money mad producer JNT could not lavish more time and money on this seminal moment. Simon watched this with me and laughed himself silly when he saw the dolly Tom hanging on the wire and cardboard cut out Master giggling behind the Doctor as dish rotates. The flashbacks are cute and almost make you forget how amateurish this all is. 

And if things weren’t bad enough already…the story closes on Peter Davison grinning. Ladies and gentlemen we have our new Doctor. Oh vomit. 

Logopolis is given far too much credit for being different but what people fail to mention is that it has no heart. Season seventeen may have sucked when it came to production values but it always had plenty of heart, lots of fantastic characterisation and a rock solid plot. Logopolis meanders all over the place and is populated by unconvincing ciphers who fail to light up the screen; it has some big ideas but never explores them properly or engagingly through the characters. And the Master is a big prat. Besides some witty dialogue and the genuinely marvellous scene where Nyssa watches her planet be destroyed there is nothing here worth seeing. 

A must see because of its climax but not because of its content, this could be the most depressing Doctor Who story ever.