There was, in fairness, a lot that I loved in this episode, but I'm going to start complaining...

I think RTD delights in winding people up! The pig in a space suit was initially a bit of a shock (though we had been warned about it in various interviews with Ecclestone). The explanation that followed, that aliens had grafted the pigs head onto a bipedal body and the comparison to constructing fake mermaid bodies was wonderfully creepy, disturbing and - for me - satisfying.

However - the MPs farting and chortling (another slightly more obvious wind up) was a bit too much. Like burping bins, I think it's too much to expect people to believe that aliens disguised as humans would behave like that especially when they clearly don't behave similarly out of their disguises. I think the problem is that they didn't look like aliens disguised as MPs laughing and apparently farting, they looked like actors performing for a childrens programme.

This I think is the chief problem with many aspects of the series - Christopher Ecclestone, in his worser moments, looks like an actor trying to playing a part, whereas Billy Piper (one of the best things about the series) comes over as a real and believable character. It's a little unsettling really that the performance of the companion is so much better than Doctor. There is a lot to like about the portrayal of the ninth doctor (especially the child-like excitement he sometimes gives off) but overall it misses the mark. Alot was made of Christopher Ecclestone's reputation for darker, brooding and moody roles and whether or not he'd be able to demonstrate a lighter side as the Doctor. And I think, to and extent, this concern has been justified - he looks to me like an actor to whom this kind of role doesn't come naturally and he's having to REALLY work at it. And to be honest he doesn't come anywhere near Troughton or Tom Baker - it's a completely different league.

The episode featured a lot of emotional drama, frank exchanges and even had the Doctor warning Rose not to defile the TARDIS with domestic issues. I'm all for this - I think it makes fantastic and moving drama to bring the companion back a year later and to have to face the fact opting out of your own life in that way has massive consequences for others. However (here I go) it occasionally got a bit too pedestrian and predictable, as though we were watching a thinly concealed soap opera. Much of the 'domestic' element was brilliantly woven into the narrative but occasionally it grated in that the point RTD was trying to make became a bit overdone and preachy.

'Overdone and preachy' nicely sums up another gripe of mine. The first news presenter was so ridiculously over the top, he sounded like he was reading some dramatic ancient prophesy. No BBC news reader would EVER speak like that - he sensationalised the space ship in a cringingly amateur tone of voice such that it was completely unbelievable. Andrew Marr however was very good.

The Slitheen do look wonderful though - I got twinges of that 10 year-old thrill of fear when they emerged and advanced on various parties. Their innocent baby faces contrast wonderfully with their huge frame and clawed hands making them visually jarring and really quite disturbing.

Lastly the incidental music... I've complained about this before and it was so bad this time I will again. WHY do we need puerile clarinet 'speed reading' music when the Doctor reads through the information handed out to the alien experts towards the end of the episode? It was clear from the performance what was happening - it's patronising and undermining to any seriousness on the part of the actors when the music describes what's happening on screen in the same way it does in a circus ring or on toddlers' television. I don't think children need chirpy twiddles to aid their understanding - I rather think they'd appreciate a show that treats them more like adults.

In summary, a rather harrowing episode for a nit-picker like me. The very contemporary feel and use of realistic news reports are very refreshing and lend an immediacy that's quite exciting.

Asides from the above complaints I'm obviously enjoying the series otherwise I wouldn't be watching and then ranting after every episode. I am however looking forward to some other writer's work - Mark Gatiss's contribution was by far and away the best so far and I'm very curious about Rob Shearman's 'Dalek'. Onwards!

I tried to love it, but this was the first episode of the new series where I really had to try. Apart from some decent basic ideas and a couple of nice touches I thought 'Aliens of London' was sloppily written, inconsistent and excessively flippant. Coming after the excellent 'The Unquiet Dead' didn't help it either.

Oddly enough, it was the first episode with anything resembling a decent plot: undercover aliens in Britain's government fake a first contact scenario to lure the planet's 'alien experts' into a trap. It even had a promising subplot: Rose's return to earth after twelve months, and its repercussions.

Unfortunately the main plot was let down by incessant fart gags. 'Excuse me', the Doctor says to cap it all, 'would you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?' I can just see Russell T Davies chuckling to himself while writing this line, but it doesn't belong in Doctor Who. It's not offensive, just puerile, and it repeatedly deflated any buildup of tension (NOT better out than in). I also wasn't happy with the numerous sexual references, by the general/alien and regarding the Doctor and Rose's relationship. Again, this sounds like prudishness, but I was three years old when I started watching Doctor Who and would like to think that children of any age could watch it safely (despite the BBC's recent advice!).

All of this just kept me thinking 'This isn't Doctor Who.' It was RTD showing us what he could do TO the show, not WITH it. That may be tremendous fun for him, but he needs to remember he's only the guardian of a long TV tradition. He also needs a script editor, or at least someone to read what he's written. No one seemed to have examined this script in any detail. One minute Jackie thinks the Doctor is a sinister kidnapper, the next he has his feet up watching TV in her home, without any explanation. A group of soldiers training their guns on the Doctor suddenly begin acting as if he's their commander when he shouts some nonsense about 'Plan Delta'. Neither Mickey nor Jackie react to the interior of the TARDIS when they enter it. And so on.

I liked some things. The pig 'astronaut' was really surprising and a suitably off-the-wall touch (and where there are little pigs, there are bad wolves, right?). Some of the performances were good -- though not Piper or Eccleston this week, both hobbled by a subplot that sounded like a bad Eastenders episode. The Slitheen were reasonably creepy, and just cheap-looking enough to qualify as proper Doctor Who monsters. And as I said, the basic plot was interesting and promises some further twists.

On the whole, though, I found my attention wandering for the first time this series, and the prospect of another episode (and, to be honest, of more RTD-penned stories) doesn't fill me with glee. I'm sure ratings will drop next week if they haven't already. Fortunately we have a Dalek story to look forward to after that, and one not written by Russell T Davies.

Poor acting and juvenile aliens marked Rose's return to London after her brief travels with The Doctor.

After the promise of a spectacular crash landing, an alien invasion and above all a new alien we were treated to the worst characters ever to appear in any serial science-fiction, children's or otherwise.

The Doctor has agreed to take Rose back home and through the versatility of the TARDIS re-assures her that she will return a mere twelve hours after she left with the Doctor in the wake of the Nestene invasion. Unfortunately after missing the mark last week by ending up in Cardiff 1869 instead of Naples 1860, Rose is returned not twelve hours after she left but twelve months.

Predictably it hasn’t been good for those she left behind, the cowardly boyfriend Mickey and her overprotective mother Jackie, neither have whom have changed much still coming off as very shallow characters. Camille Coduri seems to be stuck in a role she played several years ago and Noel Clarke is still showing less emotion than he did when an Auton replaced him. The domestic scenes that attempt to address key issues in Rose’s absence seem out of place as they reveal little about the characters or the situation in which they have been thrown. In fact some plot points seem to get a single line afforded to them before being all but forgotten.

The impact Rose’s disappearance and subsequent returned while addressed was not explored deeply enough, another casualty of the stories reduced runtime, considering this was the first of a number of two-part stories expectation was high that a more well developed story would have emerged. Sadly this was not the case as the re-appearance of Jimmy ‘moxx of balhoun’ Vee as a false alien was hastily explained; presumably to give the new aliens more screen time.

Here lies the rub. In the trailer we were afforded a glimpse of the new aliens The Slitheen, insect like larval creatures with terrifying claws and fangs. As highly publicised as the Face of Boe, their increased screen time and the appalling realisation of their shape shifting abilities, threatened my viewing support. Instead of a race of merciless invading aliens we are treated to a scatological cacophony, which instead of inconveniencing the aliens causes them to laugh like schoolboys. The juvenile attitude they have to bodily functions and announcing that they have been busy enjoying themselves with wives and mistresses reduces any impact they once had to an uncomfortable embarrassment.

Upon hearing of the two part episodes I was looking forward to a return of the classic Doctor Who cliffhanger that set it apart from other programs of its time. Even this was handled poorly with a series of anticipated attacks and laborious reveals of the aliens. Three cliffhangers for the price of one not being the value item it appeared to be, plus the inclusion of a sneak preview of the next episode made the cliff hanger redundant as it revealed that sure enough all threatened characters would survive their ordeals. The zip in the forehead was a nice touch but Aliens in human skin smacks far too much of Men In Black as much as The observation deck at the end of the world reminded one entirely of the Restaurant at the end of the universe, an environment people are sure to become familiar with through the release of the recent feature film version of The Hitchhikers’ Guide To The Galaxy.

Another nice touch, well received is the nod to UNIT, as is the news coverage of the alien’s crash landing. This was unfortunately overdone and I felt the story sagging somewhat as the Doctor struggled to glean information from the broadcasts amidst the general chatter of Rose’s family and friends. In fact I wanted The Doctor to get off his behind and blag his way into the thick of the action, and hopefully find a military foil akin to Group Cptn. Gilmore, Winifred Bambera or even the good old Brigadier himself. As for him having changed so much they wouldn’t recognize him, you can’t help thinking this is rather a poor excuse, as it never bothered him in the past. This is an issue one can let pass though as continuity of the original, while acknowledged, is not a requirement of this new series.

Overall this episode stands as a low point of this and the history of the program, which will hopefully be rectified in upcoming episodes.

This is extraordinary writing from Mr. Davies. Not only has he provided us with an imaginative and gripping story, but he has been as daring as one could possibly imagine.

He knows full well how certain ‘Who’ fans will react to this one – and he doesn’t care. Oink.

A pig in a space suit? This has to be the most marvellous Who moment of all time – and it beautifully captures the mood of the current series. How can something so absurd be so tragic? And yet the death of the pig and the look on the Doctor’s face was the most poignant moment of the series so far.

If you had been handed the new series of Doctor Who, would you have dared to go as far as Russell T? In a million years?

I doubt it.

I find it hard to believe that a fan of the show, such as Russell, would have the guts to write an episode filled with fart gags. Is it naff? Cringe-worthy? Or just a case of a writer who is waiting just around the corner with another surprise that we didn’t see coming?

And yet, despite the fact that we really didn’t expect the change of tone that this episode brought us, there is a constant element running through the entire series. The character of Rose – and Billie’s portrayal – is more realistic than any other character in any sci-fi series. Once again we were taken back to the reality of Rose’s home and reminded of how outrageous everything else is. From the first episode onwards we are constantly viewing everything through the eyes of Rose. Even when we are alone with the Doctor, we no longer wonder what it would be like to be him – but instead wonder what it would be like to travel with him.

This episode reminded me more of the old series than any so far. The absurd elements, the ridiculous aliens, the doctor’s indifference and sense of fun all amounted to everything Doctor Who should be.

And what marvellous lines we were given to laugh at. ‘Take me to your leader’ has to be the funniest so far.

Playing each week before our eyes is the TV we will be watching again and again in years to come.

Roll on part 2.

What the Shakespeare! Following Gatiss's foray into what the series is capable of RTD comes back on board with a mix bag that, for the first time in four weeks, left me wondering who'd won Ant Vs Dec. It was Dec by the way, Ant ended up taking a jungle shower, which (in case you were wondering) isn't something you order from a Malaysian prostitute. Purile you say? Well it wasn't much different on the Beeb was it?

Coming from a Tom Baker background for me this one was doomed to failure, a time travel show set in the present, UNIT (the purview of Pertwee), Micky and Mrs Tyler and a cameo from Andrew Marr. However, cunningly, this one was set a year in the future showing the TARDIS in full cock up mode and the implications of travelling through time per se. This was very clever and Mickey's 5 arrests coupled with council estate gossip gave a glimpse of what may have happened in the lives of 900 years worth of companions. Micky had his acting head on (well more so than in Rose anyway), UNIT was actually a welcome cameo and the news footage was a healthy dose of realism. Clips from Rose at the start of the episode looked better than I'd remembered and suggested that this is best viewed as a 13 part story rather than a series of individual episodes.

So what did go wrong? The aliens fart, and their transition from rubber to CGI is as obvious as the moveable items in the background of a Scooby Doo. That plump woman is from every children's programme of the last 15 years and every third episode of Peak Practice, Heartbeat & the Bill and was a face too familiar, and rosy, for a villain. Worst of all the incidental music would need to be toned down for an episode of You've Been Framed. It could just be Lucasphobia, but I've had my fill of interstellar flatulence, perhaps its rampant postmodernism knackering TV innocence but End of the World's deadly fans - post Galaxy Quest and now the Austin Powers laughter just didn't sit right. Am I thick? Is this homage to homage, cultural bricolage gone mad, or is it actually making the mistake that Lucas makes and Pixar doesn't i.e.aiming entertainment at children based on the fact that children (as well as adults) like it?

Doctor Who has always been more Harry than Dennis Potter, but that doesn't mean its crap or just for kids. It doesn't have to be a realistic and hard nosed social commentry and rubber monsters don't matter when its Tom Baker and not Rose's Mum struggling against them. I remember an Australian programme where aliens-in-disguise sweated intensely whenever their plan went pear-shaped because of a couple of meddling Kylies. Seeing that antipodean chauffeur mopping his brow filled me with fear, the Blazing Saddles trumpathon did not. The trouble is when it starts to slip enough for your mind to wander it all falls apart. Last week the snow on the TARDIS drifted away when it dematerialised, this week the graffiti stays put (it must have been one of those anti time and space travel spray paints from Halfords - don't leave your century without it). The alien plot was bizarrely complicated, still I suppose an open invite to a SETI convention in the local rag wouldn't have grabbed the Doctor's attention would it? Why was the tubby fella next in line for PM? Why didn't any of the Cabinet race to No.10 of their own volition? Why not make a suit of the PM rather than his underlings, the aliens seemed bigger than the suits so don't tell me they could only mimic fat people? And whilst we all know it's a 13 part series, so no one major is going to die, having a triple cliff-hanger followed by clips from next week does seem a bit pointless. The trigger happy army will shoot an unarmed pig but obey an intruding unidentified leather jacketed Manc who says "pattern delta" in a stern voice. The police and Rose's mum think Micky killed Rose on the night that marauding living shop window dummies shot shopping Londoners left right and centre? Rose, who actually abandoned Micky only a couple of days ago, has missed him whilst also travelling to the years 5 billion and 1869 (stopping off for chips midway) and has also decided that the Doctor is much more important than a boyfriend, it was only two episodes ago she was scratching her head at joining him in the first place?

Overall I didn't like it, apart from the bits I didn't think I'd like, whether this was symptomatic of the unfair juxtaposition with The Unquiet Dead, initially forgivable teething problems with the new series starting to grate or just the episode in its own right I don't know. I'll be watching next week and IF I do get the TARDIS series box set Aliens of London is one I'll avoid but with Micky and Rose's mum set to appear in the Dalek two parter I hope the series doesn't suffer from more CHAV than wheat. Whatever I think, and I accept that I come from a vocal group that may not necessarily be the target audience, I can only imagine that any battles for the remote control next week will be harder to win if it's the Doctor you want on, and that can't be a good thing.