No doubt there was a time when a whimsical pun would have been relegated to the closet of odd working titles prior to a more suitable title for a Who story being thought up. Instead, we get the working title for the title, while the far better one, Baptism of Fire, is filed away.

Smith and Jones then kicks of Season Three in fairly typical RTD fashion: an impossibly far-fetched plot interspersed with utterly irrelevant and irritating contemporary soap, lots of running up and down corridors (ironic, as that's often what the classic show was criticised for), some token flirting with (new) companion, a totally inappropriate snog with said companion, equally inappropriate sexual innuendo (re the ?fetish' aspect of the all-leather androids), big chunky aliens with no back-story (whose leather-clad bulks just beg the question, why not just bring back the Sontarans, rather than a bunch of Rhinos with a stupid language?), lots of spectacle and explosion, a wacky, near-demented, Jarvis Cocker-Doctor who seems perpetually cranked into a post-regeneration personality crisis, and, well, everything else?

In the scenes with the Doctor sat up scrawny and bulging-eyed like a medley of Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams in one of the hospital Carry On films, I kept thinking, what is it about Tennant's obviously enthusiastic and quirky attempt at portraying the Timelord that jars with me? I still can't quite put my finger on it, but I think he's falling into the trap that Colin Baker fell into (also, interestingly, a Who fan prior to playing the part): overt enthusiasm. This isn't good. The brilliance of Tom Baker, for instance, was that he didn't make his enthusiasm so obvious, and actually originally often underplayed the part, frequently subdued and convincingly alien for that, so when his occasional quirky outbursts came, they resonated all the more for the contrast. Tennant's mistake is that he cranks up the wackiness and eccentricity too much and too frequently, so that one almost itches with irritation, just aching for his Doctor to play a bit for subtlety now and then. He does sometimes, and when he does, he is at his most likeable and convincing. Unfortunately, for a Doctor who resembles a slightly geeky Science under-graduate, there really is no need for extra eye-bulging, limb-flailing, and general impersonations of a stick-insect on speed. Tone it down, David, for God's sake.

The continual hyperbole regarding Tenant's portrayal must, I think, be taken with a large pinch of salt: it's all spin, something New Who has in common with New Labour, and the attempt at sexing-up the Doctor is part of this pumping up of the part, and its current incumbent. David Tennant is certainly a good Doctor, when he's allowed to be, but anyone with any remote knowledge of the classic series will know that on many levels his incarnation falls far short of at least three or four of the old Doctors. Compared to Troughton, Pertwee or Tom Baker, Tennant is still in the playground in terms of portrayal ? he is still promising in places, but his exaggerated youthfulness in appearance and approach sits as awkwardly with ?attempted gravitas' as McCoy's clownish physiognomy and clumsy articulation once did (though the latter eventually mastered the darkness of the part in stories such as The Curse of Fenric). Tennant could also do with a touch of Davison's well-gauged subtlety and underplaying too.

The hype is already spreading about the new companion Martha, possibly due to insecurity at the ? in my view, belated ? departure of Billie Piper. So far Martha seems to me a fairly run-of-the-mill companion, whose apparent special ?something' in actress Freema Agyeman (sic) coincides with almost air-brushed good looks. Time will tell. But let's have less of the teenagery flirting with the Doctor.

Good touches this episode? Not many, sadly. A bit of a New Earth-syndrome going on here: too much of a potpourri of only half-explored ideas and concepts thrown together into a bit of mess of a plot (a potpourri plot indeed) ? ironic considering RTD referred to Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop in the same way. Mmmm, what is it the philosophers said RTD? Know thyself? The upwards rain was a nice touch, the Judoon (very Star Wars-sounding name again) looked convincing if a little bit like extras from Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, with a very Vogon-like bureaucratic approach and lumbering sense of ?justice'. Roy Marsden led a bit of dramatic leaven to proceedings, though was sadly under-used and killed off too early by a very Rezzie-esque Anne Reid as a plazmavore whom we never actually see in her true form ? having to make do with a weird old lady in pyjamas with a straw in her mouth. The straw was a bit of a silly touch I thought, so very RTD in that sense.

So, not much else to say on this rather ludicrous episode of New Who except that which was ominously chanted ten years previously by New Labour: Things Can Only Get Better? surely?

3/10

'Smith and Jones', a highly encouraging start to Series 3, reflects an ongoing trend in 'Doctor Who' new series writing. The question I am left with after viewing is, when did Russell T Davis become a good writer? I suspect the answer is that he was all along, barring an infatuation with childish humour; it just never came out in his scripts with any consistency.

I've written a lot of excoriating reviews of Russell T Davies' scripts over the past couple of years, as I would be the first to admit ? and I in no way withdraw my criticisms of his previous efforts. But, starting with the finale to Series 2, and continuing through the highly enjoyable Christmas special to the start of the new season, Russell's writing has taken a distinct turn for the better. 'Smith and Jones' is an engaging, intermittently humorous, imaginative, atmospheric and ? in its lunar setting ? occasionally quite beautiful introduction to the next round of Doctor Who adventures. The colour palette seems darker. We leave the planet Earth. The Doctor becomes the lonesome and compelling figure of mystery he has frequently failed to be so far ? though he remains a heck of a know-all! The incoming companion, played by the likeable Freema Agyeman, is in a fairly traditional 'Who' mould ? which is, of course, high praise. The plot and the monsters work well. 'Rose' should've been much more like this.

There are several reasons why this is so. Way back in my review of 'The Age of Steel' I made favourable comments about the parallel-universe airships, and bemoaned the lack of similar 'scientific romanticism' in the series thus far. So it was with quite a lot of pleasure and not a little relief that I began to perceive more of that kind of thing in recent episodes: the brief insert at the start of 'Army of Ghosts', and more substantially the 'creation of the Earth' sequence in 'The Runaway Bride', and the breathtaking lunar setting and fabulous retro steam-punk rocketships used by the Judoon in 'Smith and Jones'. By virtue of being treated with the sobriety missing from much of the first two seasons of the series revival, all of these scenes came much closer to the more sombre science fiction which I personally prefer. Too much levity and irreverence quickly becomes galling, as we discovered. People have talked about the change in tone being deliberate and permanent; I think it's probably too early to say ? but we have definitely seen steps in the right direction.

A word on Martha: I don't want to detract in the slightest from the sensational Billie Piper, but I strongly suspected before this episode aired that I would prefer Martha to Rose, and it's looking like I was right. Although Freema's performance isn't so immediately arresting, she is pitching it just right, and conveys the compassion, mingled with sometimes hard-headed practicality, that Rose actually didn't have much of, when you think about it. However good and memorable Billie's performance, Rose was not a character you could easily warm to (in my opinion). Martha, I feel, could be different. And ? although this shouldn't really be a concern, and, again, I don't want to detract at all from the wonderful Billie ? Martha is a very much more attractive girl than Rose was! Subtly, it's true; but certainly. She speaks better as well.

A word on the Doctor: the TV reviewer in my local rag perceptively pointed out that David Tennant's incarnation, 'with the suggestion of madness in his eyes', is scarier than any of the monsters he fights, and despite the toned-down performances DT has turned out post-Rose, that's still true. It's a far more desperate and exacting incarnation ? as he himself points out, there's no mercy or tolerance in there, even for innocents, once they cross him, while his relations with his companions are borderline obsessive. Perhaps it's only because of David Tennant's livewire interpretation of the role ? as I once remarked, he only plays psychos. But I've been thinking a lot about this, because something is obviously not right with the Doc ? he's clearly not the same guy we knew and loved. My conclusion is that the Doctor, in his old age and after everything he's been through (just think how many times he's been mind-wiped!), really must be suffering from some kind of mental degeneration, a bit like Alzheimer's or something for human beings.

You could say that because he still delivers the goods, comes up with occasional insightful comments and reacts sharply to situations around him, that's a load of nonsense. But Time Lords' brains are far more advanced than ours, and they can probably give every appearance of functioning normally while in reality being very badly damaged. The way the Doctor's mental processes seem to have fallen into repetitive but quite instinctive patterns (of 'heroism' and 'fighting evil'); his God complex, and swift recourse to rage and moralistic browbeating; the way flashes of the 'old Doctor' surface every once in while to remind us of how he used to be in his prime; all suggest that the Doctor is simply going through the motions of his old life mechanically, not really aware any more of what's happening in the real world. Because he looks so young though, this is far from obvious, and it only makes it more disturbing when you eventually realise what's going on; underneath that youthful vitality and beauty is a very, very old mind that's beginning to unravel. It's a horrible fate for our beloved hero, but I think what we're witnessing is the onset of Time Lord senility; perhaps the one enemy he will never be able to defeat.

It is now fairly safe to say, that in a crowded room, perhaps in the middle of a bombastic party , conversation can be halted quite readily and changed dramatically by the simple utterance of the name of Russell T. Davies.? Uncle Russell moved into the household three years ago, bringing to the table? the? idea of resurrecting the tired DOCTOR WHO format, with? a sense of Fan Boy passion . Davies managed to do this, while retaining the critical respect he garnered? for previous escapades on British Television that had already left him on the lips of? the talk of the industrial crowd, like a lingering wine of very fine vintage.? He even managed to survive the Slitheen ! Davies is a unique mixologist taking elements of classic Doctor Who and tendering it against the lines of stark unapproachable, envelope ripping outrageousness that makes it thoroughly modern and mindlessly enjoyable to watch DOCTOR WHO. It has made DOCTOR WHO accessible to the masses and the success it is.

Anyone watching DOCTOR WHO on the BBC? and partaking in Uncle Russell's latest carnival, SMITH AND JONES cannot deny the ride was enjoyable, mindbending and? without question witnessed? the strongest opening debut episode of the first three years. Yet scratching the surface of many elements of Doctor Who Canon, it merely was an institution that readily served the purpose of introducing Martha Jones to the good Doctor Smith, a welcome alias whose myth is fancifully buried in the original series and resurrected here to good measure. Once again, Russell Davies has created a strong, self sustaining character in Martha Jones? and perhaps in many ways, she could be considered perhaps too similar to Rose Tyler. Her somewhat confused and dysfunctional family only lightly contrasting Rose's own little cultural cul-De Sac of a disjointed family.It is entirely clear that Martha's soap operatic family will feature prominently in the latest series as a formula that has worked well in past seasons, yet dangerously treading over past success a bit all too obvious. SMITH AND JONES also sees the mechanical insertion of this years? "Badwolf and Torchwood" arcs with the introduction of mention and posters of "Saxon" whose identity has sparked a whirlwind of speculation. The obvious "formula" that is being followed here could ultimately be very damaging to the series? and perhaps another vision and different angle needs to be explored in coming years.

Because the series is so expensive to produce, the necessity of? a mainstream audience is vital to its success . This of course, is the biggest compromise the true DOCTOR WHO fan must make today. Of course the series is far more contemporary than its ever been? yet? at times, the show is written to excess? with these elements in mind.? Far less however than that which occurs in the Christmas Specials which really have? to reach such a broad demographic that it may as well be called? a song and dance variety show! .With this in mind,? I am absolutely delighted the episode took itself seriously with? comic relief coming from The Doctor,? who seems much more eccentric and sillier than Tennant's Doctor has ever been. Perhaps traveling without Rose and the Lonliness of the Long Distance Timelord has left the Doctor A little stir crazy. Suspension of disbelief is in order here on as many levels as a parking garage with Russell Davies consulting absolutely no one about anything that occurs in the episode. No Hugo nomination on this one!?? The episode was very well directed at a breakneck pace hitting its agenda of introducing the new companion and bringing the Doctor and Martha? together quite nicely .The episode has an aire of believability until it becomes totally unbelievable, of course. The "invasion" scenes were especially effective and all the "cataloguing " that was going on reminded me a bit of 'THE SONTARAN EXPERIMENT" The Doctor is instantly taken to Martha, impressed instantly by her intelligence and resourcefulness. There is a nice play on the fact that Martha is studying to be a Doctor and, of course the Doctor is the definitive article so to speak. Of course the Series has often featured Hospitals as a background to the story. SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE and? THE INVISIBLE ENEMY and the 1996 film ENEMY WITHIN? come quickly to mind. However since its reintroduction, The Doctor has been hanging around hospitals quite a bit in recent years.(ALIENS OF LONDON, NEW EARTH etc)so much so as to be overly concerned whether they have "gift shops" in them or not.? The Story background of the Judoon transporting the entire hospital to the moon to help discover a wayward alien criminal provided necessary fireworks and the scene where the patients? look out the windows to their mutual realization and horror the Hospital has been transported? off the earth is a genuinely scary, well realized moment. Even scarier with a sense of total wonder, but not as well realized is the suspension of disbelief I spoke of earlier, when you realize how on earth, or the moon,is the electricity still working in this hospital to begin with. But lets not think about this, as it ruins all the fun.? ?anyway!

The introduction of the "Plasmavore" alien almost begs for a return unwarranted? appearance like the Slitheens, and I wouldn't be surprised if we see them again by the end of Season three.(although we really haven't "seen" them at all) One would have hoped for a more interesting mosaic? of background? on the Suspected Plasmavore? than? her motive? of doing in an intergalactic princess? as vengeance? against her "pink cheeks and blonde curls"? which is just another dose of Uncle Russell's irreverent need to inject controversy into the series and? perhaps even a disguised reference to the demise of Rose Tyler . Either way, the remark is a trifle racist and the episode has its share of reverse racism at play? with its attitude towards' dumb blondes" as providing comic relief? in the form of Martha's Dad's? tryst with a? blonde waif? and getting caught at it no less.? Once again, however we get this rushed resolution of the plot in the final minutes which felt amazingly similar to the end of THE RUNAWAY BRIDE , in revelation and pacing., a RTD trademark.? The Doctor's resolution however was in fact brilliant when you consider that all he managed to do to save the earth from destruction was merely to pull the plug.? What did leave me? with a question mark was the Doctor, seemingly dead and drained of blood? did NOT regenerate . This no doubt will be a hotly contested element of the story for months to come and is evident that Uncle Russell will sacrifice everything for the purpose of the advancement and resolution of the plot.

In closing,? high? marks? go the? production team for turning in a fast paced , brilliantly and artistically? designed episode and a strong start to Series three. The Judoon were brilliantly designed and executed? and? it was a nice touch to see them talking in their native language until they assimilated the language.The JUDOON could very easily have been the Sontarans and I believe this oportunity was lost or even intended as? Uncle Russell will reap all the financial rewards for their creation.? Overall, SMITH AND JONES? exhibits the total confidence in the creative teams behind Doctor Who? in the series, and the evolution in the Doctor's character in declaring to Martha and the TV audience, unabashedly,? that he is a Timelord. The episode suffered most in its thin "schoolyard idea"? plot? but written well enough around the idea to be blissfully entertaining!? The chemistry between the Doctor? and Martha is tremendous and I believe we are in for a real treat, and the sparks will certainly continue to fly on occasion, as the Doctor certainly has found a new lady to take his mind off of Rose a bit. Welcome Martha Jones, and Thanks once again to Russell? Davies? who can never be taken for granted.

So, series 3 of Doctor Who has finally began, and this is pretty much exactly as I expected the first episode to be.? Light-hearted, fun and chock-full of witty humour and comic aliens, as well as making the new assistant, Martha Jones, extremely likeable.? I was not surprised at the result of Smith and Jones, though I was perhaps slightly disappointed.

The main focus of the episode is obviously Martha Jones, played brilliantly by Freema Agyeman.? She genuinely acts as a strong-headed human being would in that bizarre situation, disbelieving, scared, and yet determined to discover what exactly is going on.? All the looks of surprise, anger, amusement and sadness on her face are all so believable, and her intelligent points make it obvious that she is the perfect companion for the Doctor, and she is so unbelievably likeable that Billie Piper, wonderful as she was, has been more or less forgotten.? The whole point of the episode was really to get the audience to warm to Martha, and this could not have been done more successfully.

David Tennant also does well here, though his comedy performances seem a bit forced at times.? Having said that, he does make for some genuinely funny moments and gives an overall entertaining performance.? His acting here is very well done, and one of my favourite scenes with him is after he has just barely regained consciousness after the kiss of life and stares up at the controls that are wrecking the ship.? He looks genuinely sick and rather ill, and I was surprised at how convincing the expression on his face was.?

Plotwise, the story is alright.? Pretty easy to understand.? The Judoon transport the hospital that contains an evil alien to the moon(not sure why?the moon was chosen of all places)?so they can scan all the humans to find out which one is the alien who killed some princess.? A few unecessary sub-plots, like with Martha's rather annoying family who I hope we've seen the last of, and that rather worthless and unfunny comment about the princess, but overall the story was OK, but not one of this episode's strong points.

Another let-down are the monsters featured in this episode.? None of them are either interesting nor original.? The Judoon are basically a rehash of the Sontarans, with Dalek-like speech(or is that Cyberman)who don't pose as much of a threat, even when they are trying to kill the Doctor, and after they kill the foolish man who attacks them, this makes a very minor impact, possibly because it was so predictable and now an over-used cliche in the show, or because it wasn't a very dramatic death scene.? There are also the insignificant and incredibly boring Slabs, which are the new Adherents of the Repeated Meme, only far less menacing and intriguing, and the Slabs are pretty much a boring and forgettable race.? As for the Plasmavore, this probably works the best out of all the creatures, though it could have been creepier and more disorientating, and the whole idea of it borrows heavily from the classic series' Curse of Fenric.? If they are going to redo this, they could use better special effects and make the idea of it scarier.? At its core, this could make a pretty freaky monster, but the whole idea of it is thoroughly wasted.

This is a so-so episode, the strong points being the excellent performances from David Tennant and Freema Agyeman, spoiled by the mediocre storyline and dull monsters. 6/10

You know you’re in trouble when you have to take thirty minute breaks between Episodes in order to watch a story without gnawing your ankles off. At least, I’d say that this is a reasonable argument, and it’s certainly one that sums up ‘The Web Planet’ for me. I apologise to fans of the story, but in my opinion it really is not very good at all.

The basic story is nothing too terrible- rival alien factions fight for control of a planet- but the execution of said plot is slow, tedious, plodding and padded out, something that would not be too bad in most stories, but when this one lasts for six whole Episodes, then you quite clearly have a problem. It saddens me to write this as deep down I know there is an okay-ish story waiting to be seen, but here no such story is available for public consumption. Bill Strutton has some good ideas, but his script does not do them justice in any way, shape or form.

Of the six Episodes, it’s arguably the first one- simply entitled ‘The Web Planet’- that impresses the most. The title of the Episode sets up the next twenty-five minutes well: mystery, alien worlds, excitement. Well, maybe not the latter but the first two are fulfilled nicely. The cleverest thing about this Episode is the way that it centres pretty much solely around the four regular cast members (i.e. the current TARDIS crew) and every so often throws in an alien to create a bit of horror. However, such moments sometimes fall flat on their faces. The appearance of a Zarbi in the TARDIS scanner works well, largely due to Vicki’s understated reaction, but they are handled less well earlier on- namely when one of them pops its head up over a rock briefly to take a look at Ian before ducking down again like a naughty schoolboy; whilst the sequence should prompt mystery and maybe a small fright, instead it just looks really, really silly and never fails to make me laugh a little.

The use of Vaseline to make Vortis’ surface look more alien works really well, and is one of the best things about the entire story as it really does give the alien atmosphere that the story is desperate to create.

The best thing about Episode One for me is the ending- and I mean that in a way that is not offensive towards said Episode. By making Vortis seem very alien and not including any other human characters, the cliffhangers that are witnessed as the Episode ends work well: Vicki is alone in the TARDIS as it rolls around, Barbara is about to walk into an Acid Bath (what is it about Acid Baths and stories with Martin Jarvis in them?), Ian is, err, trapped in a net, and the Doctor discovers that the TARDIS has vanished. As viewers, you genuinely care about the protagonists, so the fact that they are all in danger is a rather thrilling end to the Episode, and is easily the highest point that Strutton reaches in his script.

Alas, despite its good points, even this Episode suffers from having parts that simply feel like padding out- a rather look piece about Aspirins here, the Doctor and Ian wandering around in near-silence there. The whole sequence with Barbara’s arm is interesting but again goes on for a little too long, whilst earlier on we have a most painful moment as William Hartnell forgets his lines whilst trying to explain how the TARDIS doors can be opened despite there being no power- full credit to him for slogging through it rather than demanding a re-take, but there is no denying that it is still an awkward moment and a rather painful one to watch.

After the first Episode, things really hit rock bottom; we have moments that are just embarrassingly funny (“I have a shock for you. The ship’s gone- vanished!” says the Doctor. Cue shot of Ina looking shocked), moments that ruin the illusions being created (namely the many times cast members cast shadows upon Vortis’ backdrop, thus making it obvious that it is a set), moments that just make you cringe (the first time you see an Optera in full view), and moments that are just plain dull (yes, I’m looking at the Optera again). Maybe it’s wrong of me to give the Optera such a hard time, but when they first appeared I actually let out a cry of “Oh… oh boy…” such was the shock at seeing them for the first time. For a story that was so expensive to make, they don’t half look incredibly cheap. Now, poor effects in ‘Doctor Who’ are normally in my eyes forgivable, but here they really look the pits and the way they speak… well, put it like this: it didn’t exactly sell the effect to me. Maybe I’m just being too harsh on them, or perhaps I just see them for what they are- more than a little crap.

As well as the excess padding, the story also feels extremely lazy. In every single Episode there are numerous moments when you scream “I can see a boom shadow!” or “That’s a Stage Light creating that shine!”, and there are often moments where silence passes for a few moments so that the Episode can be just that little bit closer to filling up its running time.

As well as this, there are moments that really stand out as being quite horrific, and such moments are more than a little at odds with the relatively fluffy atmosphere elsewhere. Parts such as a Menoptra having its wings ripped off by a couple of Zarbi, or when an Optera shoves her head in a rock to stop a flow of Acid, stick out as being very, very vicious and are truly shocking compared to everything that is going. Perhaps that is the point- that among everything, something nasty is happening. However, I think it would have been better to stick to just one ambience; despite parts like the lingering close-up of Hrostar’s dead body being some of the most powerful images in the story, as it stands such moments seem jarring and work against the story rather than for it.

The padding problems really become evident in the later Episodes. How many times can Vicki be put under control of the golden collar before it becomes tedious? Several times apparently, or so this story would have you believe as it doesn’t stop shoving it on her when something needs to happen to plug the gaps. It is the ending that really stands out as being overlong though. The actual death of the Animus is decidedly naff, and following this we have some very overlong and drawn out moments with the TARDIS crew milling around on the planet surface. Look over there as Barbara plays with a scrubbing brush… sorry, I meant a Venom Grub (or are they Larvae Guns? Or Zarbi Larvae? Somebody tell me for certain because as it stands I don’t have a clue!), and now we see Ian and the Doctor talk about Ian’s Coal Hill tie, a sequence where I can never tell if it’s meant to be serious, funny, or, well, anything really- it just confuses me and seems to be as pointless as it is confusing. The actual ending once the TARDIS crew have left is not too bad, but its power is somewhat marred again by moments where it could quite easily have been shortened with no loss to coherence.

It’s not all bad in ‘The Web Planet’. The film sequences in ‘Crater Of Needles’ when the Menoptra land and fight the Zarbi are entertaining and nicely shot, whilst Ian’s fight with a Zarbi in the previous Episode is entertaining too but in an entirely different way. Elsewhere, Zombo the Zarbi deserves his own spin-off series and there are some nice touches in the script: the fact that the Menoptra cannot correctly pronounce the TARDIS crew’s names for instance (calling Ian ‘Heron’ for example) is rather nice, as are all the scenes set inside the Crater of Needles, which show a real visual flair on director Richard Martin’s behalf. What a pity then the rest of the story swamps such moments as these.

Acting wise, ‘The Web Planet’ is again hit and miss. The regular cast are on top form, despite line flubs here and there, and the rather patronising treatment of Vicki throughout (the Doctor giving her chocolate to clam her down is one moment that springs to mind). Of the guest cast, Catherine Fleming as the Animus voice is rather impressive and the Optera… well, the Optera are perhaps better best forgotten. The Menoptra are universally good, with Martin Jarvis as Hilio really impressing. Only the odd hissing noise they make to one another when they are arguing lets things down, as does the famous sequence where they taunt the Zarbi by, err, shouting out “Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” in a very high pitched voice. No, I don’t know why they do this either. Later on, there’s a brief reprise of such behaviour- a Menoptra shouting “Barbara Barbara Barbara!” as if she is about to break into a Cheerleading sequence. It’s a pity she doesn’t, as that would have lightened things up a bit I suppose.

In all then, ‘The Web Planet’, in my opinion, deserves its reputation for being ambitious, creative, and more than little rubbish. Full points to the Production Team for attempting something so other-worldly, minus several points for how dire the actual story is.

“I’ve never experience anything like this in my life before!” cries the Doctor at one point, which is rather like how I felt whilst watching it- thank goodness that I won’t have to do so again.

'The Web Planet' is of course notorious. When, as a kid during the largely pre-video eighties, I started to learn about past Doctor Who stories from Target novelisations and Peter Haining's Doctor Who – A Celebration, the latter of which led me to believe that 'The Web Planet' was a classic, with pioneering special effects and superb monsters that was utterly convincing in its portrayal of a truly alien world and was years ahead of its time. Then it was released on video. 

That basically seems to sum up fandom's opinion of 'The Web Planet', which The Discontinuity Guide notes is "slow and silly looking by modern standards". However, if anyone is expecting me to savage it, they are in for a disappointment. The main reason for is that I don't judge Doctor Who by its special effects, and never have; I judge it by plot, script, and acting. My stock pretentious argument for non-Who fans who ask me how I can take Doctor Who's effects seriously is that it is all to do with suspension of disbelief, and that Shakespeare's plays are traditionally performed on an empty stage with minimal props, but that doesn't detract from the plays themselves. My more honest answer is simply that I watch Doctor Who through metaphorical rose-tinted glasses. That said, I'm not blind to crap effects, and so since I mentioned the Slyther when I was rambling on about 'The Dalek Invasion of Earth', I'll get the discussion of the effects out of the way. Vortis itself doesn't look bad – it's at least as credible attempt to create an alien landscape as Skaro was in 'The Mutants'. True, there are often shadows cast over painted backdrops by the actors, but on the whole the sets are pretty good, and convey a sense of space quite convincingly. This is probably helped by the oft-criticized use of lenses to blur images set outside on Vortis' surface, which prevent the viewer from focusing too closely on backgrounds, but these aren't used in all the "outdoor" scenes. The rocks and craters really look rather good, as do the occasional pools of acid, and for a series that will later resort to the use of quarries to portray alien planets, it's a laudable attempt. The other sets are also well done, although parts of the Carsenome (mainly the corridors) do look painfully like flimsy plastic. The room in which the Doctor and Vicki spend most of the story however looks reasonable enough, as does the Animus' centre. The Menoptra Temple of Light also looks good, as do the caves of the Optera. Ultimately, I realized that I'd got to the end of episode six without feeling that the action was taking place within a studio. The other big demand on the effects is of course the various aliens present on Vortis. 

The Menoptra look like men in costumes, but then so do most Doctor Who monsters and overall they look quite good, probably faring the best of all the creatures present. The bands of hair around their bodies allow them to be flexible without the need for over-ambitious insect like joints, which adds considerably to their success. That said, my mate caught the end of episode four, fell about laughing and exclaimed, "It's just a load of blokes in crappy moth costumes". As I said, rose tinted glasses… The Zarbi look much better in black and white photographs than they do on screen, due largely to the fact that their back legs are painfully obviously those of the actor, whereas both sets of forelegs are much more spindly and are clearly just stuck on the costume. The rest of the costume is obviously sat on the actor's back, but in spite of this, they still look quite effective running about. Honest. The Optera are a different matter, since they basically look like cheap polystyrene and the extra arms are utterly absurd, being unconnected to the actor and just dangling unconvincingly. The Larvae guns are even worse, and look like ironing boards with fronds on either wheels or the backs of actors at differing parts of the story. Finally there is the Animus, which vaguely resembles a Dutch Cap with fronds, but on the whole doesn't look too bad. So that's the effects out of the way…

On the whole, I think that 'The Web Planet' is to be applauded as an attempt to portray an alien world. Vortis is at least as intriguing as Skaro, with its ancient ruins, acid pools, starry sky and weird lighting. Whilst the Zarbi are basically ants and the Menoptra moths, the actors and director try hard to make them work as aliens, and on the whole they succeed; the chirruping of the Zarbi as they run mindlessly about is striking, as is the weird body language of the Menoptra, which is clearly the result of careful attention to detail – notice Hrostar and Hilio squaring off in episode five, by bobbing and hissing at one another. The dance-inspired movement of the Menoptra, including their distinctive arm hand waving, might look like amateur dramatics in retrospect, but shows a real attempt to make them stand out as alien. The real triumph in the alien stakes however is with the Optera, who get some great scripting, referring to blank walls as "silent" ("we must make mouths in it with our weapons, then it will speak more light"), to stalactites as teeth of stone, and to acid vapour "sleeping" at their feet. These are all attempts to show that Optera do not think in human terms, and it's an excellent idea. The Menoptra too are made to feel more alien simply by altering their pronunciation of Ian and Barbara to Heron and Arbara, showing that to them, human names are just as strange as theirs are to us. It has often been noted that 'The Web Planet' is the only Doctor Who television story in which none of the supporting characters are humanoid and however daft people might think the costumes are, it is still highly effective as an idea. 

As a villain, the Animus is a first for Doctor Who, since it is unseen for most of the story, but its presence is felt throughout. It's rather more effective as a disembodied voice than it is in the flesh, thanks largely to its dispassionate tones as its sits converses with the Doctor. From the first time that the Doctor talks to it, it gives an impression of being utterly evil, due largely to its obvious disregard for any life other than itself. The Animus is central to the plot of 'The Web Planet', more so than any other single villain seen so far in Doctor Who; it is responsible for the arrival of the TARDIS, the desperate plight of the Menoptra, and the barren state of Vortis, which we are told was once cocooned in flower forests. It is an utterly malignant thing, and this feeling is emphasized by its method of take-over – it has slowly extended its web over Vortis, absorbing everything in its path, and the fact that the Menoptra refer to this web as the Carsenome (an obvious corruption of carcinoma) only serves to reinforce this malignant feeling. At no point in this story do the Doctor or his companions get a reprieve until the Animus is destroyed – from the moment the TARDIS is forced down, they are forced to split up after which they are all, in one way or another, either enslaved and/or forced to fight for their survival. The feeling of desperation is due largely to reminders that they have landed on Vortis just in time for the Menoptra's last ditch attempt to regain their world – they are dying on Pictos, and, unused to conflict, they have been forced into battle with guns that turn out to be useless, and pinning all their hopes on a weapon that they cannot be sure will work. Their plight seems all the more grim due to their physical mutilation – the Menoptra captured by the Zarbi have their wings torn off. For a species that is used to flight, this is presumably akin to having ones legs broken or amputated to prevent escape, which is a disturbing thought and one which occurred to me when Hrostar was rendered permanently flightless. 

Episode one of 'The Web Planet' is one of my favourite opening episodes of any Doctor Who story up to this point, along with 'The Mutants' and 'The Dalek Invasion of Earth'. As on Skaro, the TARDIS crew find a mysterious and unearthly landscape, rife with strange phenomenon, from the high-pitched chittering of the Zarbi early on which only Vicki can hear inside the TARDIS, to the pools of acid, the Menoptra edifice, and the strange web that ensnares Ian. The success of this episode is due partly to the direction; unusual camera angles make the sudden assault on the TARDIS intriguingly macabre, especially when combined with the bizarre effect of the rotating TARDIS console. Plus, we have the mysterious effect on gold items (which also allows Vicki to find out about Ian and Barbara's visit to Rome in 'The Romans' – a nice touch) and the half-glimpsed Zarbi scuttling amongst the crags; I'm not entirely blind to the short-comings of their costumes and the decision to keep them only briefly seen in the first episode is a wise one. The ADJs are also a nice touch, reminding us that not all planets are like Earth, even if they have to be reasonably similar to the constraints of dramatic requirement and budgetary restrictions. Overall, the episode is effective and memorably creepy, and the look of utter loss on Hartnell's face at the end when the Doctor realises that the TARDIS is missing is amazingly convincing. Which brings me to the characterisation.

Rather famously (or infamously), Hartnell has a fluff nightmare in episode one, which at its worst moment results in an obvious prompt from Russell ("What galaxy is that in, Doctor?"). After this however, he is on top form during 'The Web Planet'. When dealing with the Animus and playing for time, the Doctor is at his imperious best, urgently asserting himself to protect him and Vicki. This alternates with his familiar air of bright-eyed fascination as he strives to answer the question of what is happening on Vortis, what the Animus wants, and how it controls the Zarbi. Later, his bickering with Prapillus is a delight, as is the way he effortlessly takes charge during the meeting in the Temple of Light. But he is also vulnerable, as witnessed by his sudden reversion to frightened old man when he loses the advantage of having knowledge that the Animus wants about the Menoptra and is thus placed under its control, and later on when he and Vicki are sprayed with webbing and taken before the Animus. Vicki also comes across well, as in 'The Romans' demonstrating that she is more useful than Susan – although obviously frightened at some points, she keeps her wits about her throughout, and is able to defy the Animus even after the Doctor has collapsed before it. Ian and Barbara are the usual excellent selves, Barbara single-handedly rallying her dispirited Menoptra allies to fight their Zarbi oppressors, and ultimately destroying the Animus with the Isop-tope when its light overwhelms them. Ian does similar things with the Optera, helped considerably by Vrestin, and the look on Russell's face when Nemini dies in the acid stream speaks volumes about the hardship faced by the oppressed inhabitants of Vortis, again testament to his acting skills. Of the guest cast, Hrostar and Hlynia are fairly forgettable, but the other Menoptra fare better. The imperious Vrestin maintains her dignity even when she and Ian the Optera imprison them, which stands out because on the whole the spirit of the peace-loving Menoptra is easily broken. Prapillus is another well-defined character, an old man who despite the loss of his wings and a lengthy period of enslavement has kept both hope and curiosity alive. His fascination with the Doctor's mysterious ring is quite endearing, as is his determination to fight the Zarbi and Animus even though he knows that the attack on the Carsenome could prove fatal. His knowledge of the Zarbi and the Larvae guns is crucial to the success of this mission. Finally there is the aggressive (for a Menoptra) and distrusting Hilio, who despite his paranoia about trusting the aliens and losing the only weapon that even gives them a chance, ultimately is forced to turn to Barbara for aid in the Centre when the presence of the Animus proves too powerful for him. Nemini and Hetra represent the Optera, both of who are initially afraid of Ian and Vrestin and want to kill them to protect their people, but who are eventually persuaded to face their fear of Pwadaruk and the surface to aid them in their struggle. Nemini dies in the tunnels, but Hetra accompanies Ian and Vrestin into the Carsenome and eventually leads his people in their first faltering steps onto the surface of Vortis and into the light. Part of the reason that I think 'The Web Planet' has so much to offer is that the actors give it their all, even those inside the Zarbi.

Despite all this praise I'm heaping on 'The Web Planet', it is still flawed even if we look beyond the costumes – nobody seems to realize how heavy those gold collars would actually be, there are some strange accents from some of the guest-cast, and the story suffers from padding. And of course there is the infamous moment in episode three when a Zarbi runs straight into the camera – one of those cursed moments in Doctor Who when a non-fan mate always walks into the room. Nevertheless, if you can look beyond the budgetary and technical limitations of the time, 'The Web Planet' has much to offer and is at the very least an admirable attempt at creating a truly alien world, even if it isn't quite a success. I'm glad that the attempt was made and that this story survived in the archives. 

Now why do I think nobody is going to agree with me…