There is a fantastic old story of Tom Baker's about how, one Saturday afternoon, he and a colleague were out attending some exhibition or other and realized they wouldn't be back home in time to see that day's episode of "Doctor Who." (Usually Tom didn't watch the show, but there was something specific he wanted to see about this one, part three of "The Deadly Assassin.") Tom told his colleague to drive into the nearest suburban neighborhood, and then they picked out a house at random and knocked on the door. The father of the household answered and Tom asked, "Excuse me, do you watch 'Doctor Who' here?" And the father said, "Please, just come in!" And then this family sat round their television, with Doctor Who, watching that day's Doctor Who! Here in "The Idiot's Lantern," there is a scene that's very nearly the same thing, where the Doctor sits down to watch the television with a monster in it with a normal family, though he's not quite so welcomed by the father in this instance, and tells said father a thing or two. I can't help but wonder if Mark Gatiss didn't have that old Tom anecdote in mind when he wrote this episode.

And it's a decent, solid little episode. You sort of always know that with a Mark Gatiss story, it will be dependable. It doesn't really take any risks or wow you with some amazing development or revelation, but it does go through all the familiar moves spot on. Terrance Dicks is somewhat similar, and again I wonder if that's an approach Gatiss deliberately tries to mimic... make sure you've got it all right. That said, though the moves are familiar and perhaps a tad predictable, they aren't boringly so, as the basic subject of the story isn't one that "Doctor Who" has really tackled before, certainly not in the TV series anyway.

But what about the Wire villain being basically another version of the Great Intelligence from the 60s, you may ask. Yes, that's true, but that's not the basic subject of the story. That subject is that family that the Doctor barges in on and watches TV with. On my first go-around in watching this, I bristled a bit at the family as they seemed to be too stereotypical dysfunctional to me. On my second viewing, I realized that was entirely the point. They're like a typical 50s TV sitcom family, but in negative, meaning all the non-subtle broadstrokes are all still there, just showing the opposite picture of what we'd see in a TV show of the period. This is most evident in the scene on the doorstep of the house after Rose has been de-faced, where all the family members gather together to argue out the moral of the family's story in perfectly written speeches that are nothing to do with the real world.... exactly as TV shows of the time did, only the sermon here is about how the ideal 50s family wasn't at all happy, how the father was the bully and how the wife shouldn't have put up with him, and so on. And now I've no problem with this at all, apart from thinking that Jamie Forman as Eddie Connolly was perhaps a bit too one-note and one-volume even for this approach. Debra Gillett and Rory Jennings seemed to be tuned just right though.

If there is one thing that's wrong with this episode, it's the sidelining of Rose 20 minutes into it. Now, it does make David Tennant's Doctor angrier than we've seen him yet, and that was fun to watch, but I didn't like being without Billie Piper so long. It was often said last season that they'd perhaps given too much time to developing Rose in the scripts, and now I'm wondering if they haven't oversteered the other way this season, giving too much time to the Doctor. The only episode this year that really showed off Billie Piper's skills was "New Earth," and most of the time there she was playing Cassandra, not Rose. Hopefully this will turn around in the back half of the season. As I half-suspect that this was deliberately done because Billie's time was really needed on another set for another episode, that may well turn out to be the case. That said, Rose does get good moments in the screen time she does have, like telling Mr. Connolly how a union flag should be flown, or telling Tommy at the end not to just cut off his father or he'll regret it in future, and especially when she tracks down Mr. Magpie in his shop and challenges him, and then realizes halfway into that that she's walked straight into the lion's den and is in real trouble.

Meanwhile David Tennant really gets some nice material to shine with here. I especially liked the almost "Ark in Space" moment where he suddenly recovers consciousness after having been knocked out and starts talking about it at a million miles an hour at the same time his eyes open. "Hell of a right hook!" On first viewing, I thought that maybe he was getting too one-note, one-volume as well, but on second thought, he really isn't, as though he does get as loud as he can get a lot in the second half, each time he does it's interrupted with another scene of him just being intense. One thing I think he should watch out for in future though, and this is probably more the director's and producer's job to keep an eye on really, is how we're starting to get too many shots of him posing dramatically at a door he's just opened and is about to walk through. It's not there yet, but at the end of this road is Paul Darrow in season 4 of "Blake's 7," and we don't want that.

Well, what of the Wire and Maureen Lipman's performance? She is the cosmic villain in this after all, and she's brilliant. Like I said, it's by no means a very original idea, but it is executed very, very well. We're all familiar with the evils of continuity announcers... they delight in nothing more than ruining the b-section of our favorite theme music for example, and so it was nice to see one be revealed for her true colors. Literally so, on one brilliant occasion, when her TV image shifts into color for one scene of her taunting the Doctor. I do feel the need to point out one massive flub in the final scenes on the tower, however. The Wire tries multiple times to electrocute the Doctor as it did poor Mr. Magpie (oh, and well done Ron Cook, by the way), and the reason we're given for its failure is that the Doctor's wearing rubber soled shoes. That would be fine... if he were standing on the ground when she tried this and not clinging with his bare hands to a huge metal tower as he is and grounding himself that way. Oh, and one other faux pas I wonder about... how do the people who've had their faces taken breathe? I'm not seeing any visible airways open there. On the plus side, I love the idea of trapping the monster by rerouting into a recording, on a Betamax tape no less, then later taping over it to kill it, though they really should've put a "With thanks to the writer of "The Ring"" credit on the end of the episode at this.

Two fan-wishes. In the "Doctor Who Confidential" episode that accompanies this, Mark Gatiss and David Tennant confirm that there was a line that would've referenced the Doctor's death-fall from a radio telescope tower in "Logopolis" just before he went up after Magpie and the Wire. I really wish that could've stayed in, darn it. Also, in the scenes of people all over London starting to get their faces sucked off by the Wire near the end, I wish we could've had one shot of someone with a photo camera pointed at his TV, taking tele-snaps of the big occasion, with a nameplate somewhere in shot that says "John Cura" on it.

Overall then, it was decent, solid, and enjoyable. Just OK, but in a good way. 7 out of 10 from me.

Am new to this but I thought I would add my 4 penneth worth about last nights New Who episode.

I have been so disappointed with this season so far that I was worried I would lose interest in the show altogether.

I thought 'New Earth' was weak camp drivel and underused a potential 'monster' considerably, Tooth and Claw fared better but ended up being something disappointingly different from what was promised/marketed. I enjoyed 'School Reunion' but that I feel was more due to the nostalgia and dark humour than anything much more, the 'jealous' bit was o.k in some parts but grated on my nerves a bit after a while.

Girl in the Fireplace brightened things up a bit and added spice where much needed; this was a brilliant idea and tip-toed into the 'very good' category but paved way for the atrocious Cyberman story which was a big let down in my opinion.

The gushing sentimentality seemed to overrule any menace and although the direction created dark 'industrialised' threat it was marred by more in depth focus on the characters personal wranglements than the Cybermen.

Cybermen should be ruthless automatons, calculated, cold and downright frightening ; these guys could have been but unfortunately just weren't. Where was all the 'bursting out of bondage' imagery so iconic to a good cyber tale. Shiver up the spine stuff.

I remembered Mark Gatiss' Gelth yarn for Christopher Ecclestons incarnation of the Doctor and recall thinking how under rated it was and how pleasing I found the story to be.

To my delight I awaited this story with a mixture of feeling as I didn't want to be really let down by the show again, to my delight I have to say that this was one of the best episodes ever, so far. At last back from Soap Opera land and back into brilliant sci-fi drama.

The Wire (amazingly chilling performance by Ms.Lipman) was genuinely menacing and the demonisation of an everyday object as a thing of malevolent power was truly nightmare stuff. The acting ability of the cast made the whole thing so believable and despite the 'retro' element would've no doubt pleased many generations of age.

I also found the featureless creatures a marvellous nightmare creation, although this has been used on other productions to great effect this brought the whole concept chillingly up to date in a 1950's sort of way.

The 'humanistic' element wasn't so 'in your face' as the other stories which, in my opinion had began to suffocate and therefore weaken stories. This ran parallel with the 'grittiness' of the much darker doings at work and thankfully didn't dominate too heavily in the story.

The direction and set design were also perfect replications of a bygone era, you could also imagine the aroma of must,tea and the biscuits or the bits of fluff that smelled smouldering on the electric heated bars,

The cast seemed to be enjoying themselves despite the mayhem in suburbia which added such a charm to the story. The Doctors emergence from the TARDIS via a Vesper was a classic moment and I found I didn't wince as I did in the similar sequence in the 'Fireplace' story.

Finally it seemed to me, Mr.Tennant seemed like a Doctor Who not a weakened version of his Casanova in a brown suit.

Its not as though I object to Mr.Tennants clowning about but I just wish there was less of it and a pinch more seriousness, a deepness, something more 'alien'.

Thank you Mr.Gatiss for creating one of the best highlights in this series so far.

9/10.

I enjoyed this episode when it was first transmitted, but IВ’m beginning to think now that itВ’s one of pros and cons. On the one hand we have an episode here that actually bothers to tell a story, which puts it higher than many of the seasonВ’s other episodes. And yet, here in the 21st CenturyВ’s new character-driven Doctor Who, we are presented with some of the shoddiest characterisation the programme has ever seen. Apples and oranges then? WeВ’ll see.

The BBCВ’s flair with period detail is well documented by myself and others, and it doesnВ’t let them down here as the episode begins with an excellent pre-titles sequence, and Mark Gatiss clearly hasnВ’t forgotten the idea of the opening credits being the equivalent of the famous cliffhanger. It is directed by Euros Lyn however, and that means itВ’s going to be way too flashy for its own good. Despite the jaunty camera angles and jump-cuts this remains a visually strong episode though, and the imagery of having an ethereal television presenter as the villain is supremely engaging.

WhatВ’s immediately obvious about the regularsВ’ opening scene is that Billie Piper hardly shuts her mouth, which IВ’m going to use as shorthand for her portrayal through the entire episode; throughout my reviews of series two IВ’ve been tracking the characterВ’s descent from tough chick into obnoxious brat, and I have to say that The IdiotВ’s Lantern sets a new low for the companion. IВ’ve got more bones to pick with The Impossible Planet though, so I donВ’t want to dwell on this too much В– especially since IВ’m repeating myself now В– although I would highlight it as an example of series oneВ’s superiority over this one. The real problem with The IdiotВ’s Lantern is that the other characters are just as bad, as the usual saving grace of an episode is that while TennantВ’s enforced goofiness and RoseВ’s simpering deference to it grates theyВ’re usually surrounded by likeable foil like Mickey or Ida Scott. With The IdiotВ’s Lantern though, while I can hang on to the large amounts of decent mystery and atmosphere being produced I have to mentally fight to prevent it all being undone by the relentlessly two-dimensional Eddie and his family. With stagy delivery of didactic lines, I really feel like as a viewer IВ’m being spoken down to and the DoctorВ’s В“is housework a womanВ’s businessВ” scene doesnВ’t help matters. Wait, whatВ’s this? TennantВ’s raised his voice again! That means heВ’s angry, you know.

The faceless people help as in design terms theyВ’re very good and itВ’s certainly a shock to see them for the first time. There is the old В“how do they breatheВ” question, but if I went on about how visuals are being favoured over the idea actually being plausible even in a fantasy sense then I wouldnВ’t have anything left to say about a certain scene from Love & Monsters.

Once the Doctor and Rose have left the house and start creeping around looking for answers, things start to pick up: the fact that this episode takes a bit of time out to tell a proper story is a seriously big factor in its favour. The shots of the Doctor creeping round the cage of faceless people are fantastically done, and his conversation with the police detective is a highlight of the episode. Meanwhile, Ron Cook puts in an excellent performance as Magpie that forces even Billie Piper to restrain herself В– and any episode that removes RoseВ’s big flapping mouth for much of its runtime has to score bonus points, right? It does lead to Tennant shifting into the standard В“force of natureВ” role though, so I donВ’t know whether to take those bonus points back off again.

Meanwhile the auntВ’s line that В“itВ” should be beaten out of young Tommy sees more writing down (what is В“itВ”? Someone explain, itВ’s just too subtle!) and his speech about freedom is humiliating to sit through. My usual complaint about big moralising speeches applies here, but this is a particularly bad example. When the characters sound like theyВ’re reading something off rather than saying whatВ’s come into their heads, the writing has failed.

Things get back on track again in the shop with the chilling imagery of the faces on the screens, although they do over-literalise the idea of the victimsВ’ souls being stolen. The idea of the Wire being an executed non-corporeal entity is nothing new but it still works, and thereВ’s a genuinely dramatic scene where she attacks the Doctor. However, her comment that the Doctor is armed upon seeing the sonic screwdriver is a sad indictment of the magic wand the device has become. The ending is great in set-piece terms, but the resolution itself is the standard new series cop-out of plugging something into something else and pushing a button. The Wire, as arguably the best original villain the new series has seen, deserved better.

It seems that thereВ’s been a positive comment for every negative one. The IdiotВ’s Lantern is worthy for its story and its imagery, but with some dreadful characterisation it really isnВ’t as good as I remember and not a patch on GatissВ’s earlier The Unquiet Dead.

And so this year we had to wait a little bit longer for our annual Mark Gatiss episode, but was it worth the wait?

В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” certainly has a lot going for it. The Coronation being broadcast live on TV is an inspired basis for a Doctor Who story, both in terms of the solid sci-fi / horror story that could be told by the writer and also in terms of the great fun that the cast and crew had in producing the episode, which ultimately translated into the great fun that we, the audience, had in watching the episode. The period costumes, the Doctor changing his hair (unprecedented!), sparkling dialogue В– В“I should have known your Mother would be a Cliff fanВ…В” etc. В– and best of all, the very dark, very human, very wonderful characters that only Mark Gatiss can write. If anything, theyВ’re too real!

If you look back through Mark GatissВ’ quite extensive Doctor Who contributions (as a writer) over the years, it is clear that he is at his absolute best when heВ’s writing a period story with human characters. When he does what heВ’s good at, without doubt heВ’s one of the nationВ’s best writers. In В“The IdiotВ’s Lantern,В” he uses the extremely effective В‘gimmickВ’ of having TV sets that suck your face off В– they quite literally eat you В– combined with some superbly written character drama and of course, his trademark black humour.

В“Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then weВ’ll beginВ…В”

Gatiss seems to have a great handle on the fifties, best represented I feel by two of his characters В– Eddie Connolly and The Wire. The latter is an alien life form that we donВ’t know all that much about (and to be honest we donВ’t actually need to know that much about!) that has become trapped in TV signals and needs to feed on humanity in order to restore herself. She (it?) is represented by the prim and proper visage of a textbook 1950s BBC presenter (as portrayed by the outstandingly unnerving Maureen Lipman), and it is one of these cases where all those well-meant and exceedingly polite clichГ© one-liners take on a whole new darker meaning - it makes for some great television: В“Goodnight children, everywhere...В”

Eddie Connolly, in contrast, is a very human character. HeВ’s not evil; heВ’s not even a В‘baddieВ’ as suchВ… heВ’s just incredibly misguided and incredibly unlikeable! Jamie Foreman is superb in his performance. The way he speaks (all those overemphasised В‘HВ’s because heВ’s trying to sound posh), the way he dominates his familyВ… heВ’s just such a believable character. It is a testament to GatissВ’ skill as a writer that I actually felt sorry for him at times, especially when the Doctor and Rose are tearing him to shreds with their В‘radicalВ’ views on feminism and all the В“Union FlagВ” (Doctor Who is still educational!) stuff. There is one scene in particular which completely encapsulates EddieВ’s character. He is arguing with his son, Tommy, saying things like В“I fought a war just so little scum like you can call me a cowardВ”, and his son basically says, yeah, thatВ’s the whole point! I can say what I want; youВ’ve become like a Nazi! By the end of the episode I was glad that the Doctor and Rose encouraged Tommy to try and make up with his Dad!

I really enjoyed the scene where Rose cockily struts into Mr. MagpieВ’s shop, confronts the Wire and ends up getting her face sucked off and her brain wiped! I didnВ’t see that one coming! Once again, it shows us just how dangerous this life that the Doctor and Rose lead is, and just how complacent they have become. Seeing RoseВ’s face on TV calling for the Doctor is quite disturbing! Getting Rose out of the way also allowed the impressive youngster Tommy (Rory Jennings) to become more involved in the story, taking on the companionВ’s mantle and helping the Doctor to save the world, really helping to freshen things up a bit.

The episodeВ’s climax set on the Alexandra Palace transmitter had me thinking about the fourth DoctorВ’s demise in В“Logopolis,В” so I found it quite amusing when it was revealed on Confidential that the DoctorВ’s line about not liking big transmitters because heВ’d В“fell off one onceВ” had been cut at the last minute! I can just imagine Gatiss sat writing the episode, chuckling to himself and wondering if heВ’d get away with sticking it in there! I also liked the DoctorВ’s solution to the Wire problem; trap her on video, then rub over her! And on Betamax no less! Trust the Doctor! Unsurprisingly, I think В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” is definitely the funniest episode of the season so far В– the Betamax; the Doctor getting knocked out; his being mistaken for the King of Belgium; the way Rose cartoonishly ducks under EddieВ’s arm; the line about Jackie and her sailor boyfriend; В“You canВ’t wrap you arm around your elbowВ…В” et al. - Fantastic!

Just over a year ago when I reviewed В“The Unquiet DeadВ” I simply wrote В“WOW!В”, and then there wasnВ’t really much intelligent comment after that. Now I donВ’t think that В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” is as good as В“The Unquiet Dead,В” but I really canВ’t say why. I just didnВ’t enjoy it quite as much. It could have been Eccleston. It could have been Dickens. It could have been that a year ago it was all so new and IВ’ve got rose-tinted glasses on. That said, I canВ’t really think of a bad word to say about this episode. The cast, the designВ… everything is just flawless, really. For some reason though, I just canВ’t bring myself to write that В“WOW!В” Maybe IВ’m getting spoilt by having one amazing episode after another! I think I could do with a В“Paradise TowersВ” or something next week just so that I can learn to appreciate just how good each episode is!

One of my passions is the history of British television, from its dark and murky beginnings in the nineteen-thirties through to the explosion of popularity in the fifties, the great days of the sixties, seventies and eighties through to all thatВ’s happened over the past twenty years. So an episode that deals, or at least touches upon, those great and glorious days of the fools on the hill at Alexandra Palace was always like to be a winner with me. The fact that it comes from the pen of Mark Gatiss, author of The Unquiet Dead, which was one of my favourite episodes of the 2005 run, was an extra bonus, so all-in-all itВ’s safe to say that I sat down to watch this one with high hopes.

Afterwards, I must admit I was disappointed В– but only a little. This is not a spectacular episode of Doctor Who, not one of those epic В‘eventВ’ episodes that will lodge themselves in the memories of even casual viewers. But it is a nice little slice of enjoyable television, and perhaps a little lighter and frothier fare than some of series two has been to date, which is no bad thing at all. Never taking itself too seriously or feeling too laboured, The IdiotВ’s Lantern is the filling in a two-parter sandwich, and slots into place as a breathing space for the series quite nicely.

WeВ’re in the nineteen-fifties, so itВ’s slightly exaggerated theme park history time again, although the show has pretty much always worked this way with its historical settings, perhaps arguably excepting only the very earliest В‘pureВ’ historicals, and painting the background with such broad strokes at least helps to ground us quickly in where weВ’re supposed to be. Once again, however, the TARDIS has gotten it slightly wrong, taking the Doctor and Rose to where thereВ’s trouble in store rather than to where they actually intended to be, which always gives you the impression that the rusty old ship knows more about whatВ’s going on in the multiverse than itВ’s letting on.

ItВ’s the right decade though, which means the Doctor and Rose donВ’t seem to stand out too much in all their fifties get-up, and Tennant and Piper seem to relish getting into the feel of the decade as much as their characters do. I thought that Tennant in particular was rather good this week, being the wise-cracking, moralising kind of a Doctor that Tom Baker was always so good at playing, although of course he does it in a rather different way to Baker. You can see, however, the direction in which Gatiss writes the Tenth Doctor from, and itВ’s very much a fannish one В– once again, no bad thing at all.

Piper, curiously, isnВ’t actually in the second half of the episode very much В– perhaps they wanted to give her some time off, which with the gruelling schedule they have to work on this show would be no great surprise. She does get a great scene where she goes investigating on her own at MagpieВ’s shop В– although perhaps Rose ought to have learned the dangers of wandering off on her own by now! В– but as soon as she has her face sucked off, sheВ’s pretty much written out of the episode just as she was when being locked in a room for the last third of The End of the World. ItВ’s not an entirely satisfying way of dealing with too many characters and lends the episode a somewhat unbalanced feel at times, although on the other hand it does provide some genuine drama for the audience В– if this thing can do this to one of the regulars, then it must be scary!

ItВ’s funny how the blank face effect isnВ’t actually light years ahead of that used in Sapphire & Steel Assignment Four, which clearly inspired it, despite twenty-five years having passed between the two productions. ThatВ’s not to say that the effects on the faces here were in any way bad, because they werenВ’t, just goes to show how impressive the ATV make-up people were all those years ago.

The blank faces give the episode one of its genuinely creepy moments, when the Doctor is in the cage with them all and they begin to move around. ItВ’s a shame there wasnВ’t a bit more menace, really, but most of this I am afraid can be put down to Maureen Lipman as The Wire. An intriguing concept, albeit not exactly an original one, IВ’m afraid I just wasnВ’t sold on LipmanВ’s performance at all, which is a shame as sheВ’s normally quite likeable. She just overdid the cackling villainess business for me, and she wasnВ’t helped by some lines which put you more in mind of The Little Shop of Horrors than anything more Quatermass-tinged.

However, she wasnВ’t the only guest star, and this weekВ’s other main guest turn was the ever-excellent Ron Cook. Never, sadly, a leading man, Cook is one of British television and filmВ’s finest supporting players, and the veteran of many a classic production from The Singing Detective toВ… ermВ… Thunderbirds. Ahem. But seriously, heВ’s as excellent as ever as the tortured Mr Magpie, and seeing him crop up in Doctor Who was a real treat. Danny Webb next week, too! They really are getting the solid guest actors in this series, and no mistake.

The family stuff was a bit naff, although it gave a good excuse to break out the archive coronation footage as the residents of Working Title Street gathered to watch the tiny grey pictures. But why does it already look like a telerecording if itВ’s going out live, hmmmm, hmmmmmmmm? ThatВ’s sloppy, that is. (And thatВ’s humour, just in case youВ’re worried IВ’ve been hanging around Doctor Who websites for too long). Mind you, I bet that episode of Animal, Vegetable or Mineral wasnВ’t even broadcast until 1955 or something, tooВ…

I did like young Tommy, mind, the В“pretty boyВ”, В“mummyВ’s boyВ” who evidently wants something В“beaten out of himВ”. Wonder what that could be? Matthew Graham has talked about his forthcoming episode involving his fascination with the idea that the TARDIS could materialise on your street corner and you could get involved in the adventure, and thatВ’s exactly what happens to Tommy, becoming a pseudo-companion for the Doctor and even getting to save the day into the bargain. All because heВ’s a bit of a saddo electronics geek. Hurrah for anorakism!

Euros Lyn В– when will he be allowed into the present day? В– took charge of the cameras again, and while he mostly did as excellent a job as ever, he did seem a bit overkeen on the slanty camera angles. Anybody whoВ’s ever seen Russell T DaviesВ’s Dark Season will know that some directors think they have to make something seem a bit sci-fi by constantly tilting their tripods to thirty degrees to make stuff look a bit weird, which is a cheap trick that succeeds only in irritating, as far as I can tell. But apart from that it all seemed to be directed with a flourish, and all the other behind-the-scenes departments seemed to be as on-the-ball as ever. Even a bit of a retro feel in some respects this week, given that there didnВ’t appear to be huge amounts of CGI involved. Maybe theyВ’re saving it all up for Gabriel WoolfВ’s comeback.

Speaking of which, didnВ’t the trailer for The Impossible Planet look great? Oddly, the Tardisode for it is pretty pants, but IВ’m really looking forward to this two-parter. WeВ’ve had a bit of fun with The IdiotВ’s Lantern, now letВ’s go into the deep dark depthsВ… of outer space!

The return of the Cybermen and these episodes really rattled along.

The trouble isВ…Cybermen shouldnВ’t rattle!

IВ’m sad to say I found the whole thing to be an exercise in superficiality. Glossy looking but a complete lack of investment in the characters or the storyline. Fast food Sci-Fi which is definitely not what I was expecting from Who.

Perhaps, like Aliens of London / WW3 it was geared for 5-12 year olds with its pace and thin veneer plotlines. They go for that, seven year olds...bombs over banter, speed over script. You can certainly guarantee that school playgrounds across the country will be heaving with marching children this week all trying to В‘DELETEВ’ their class mates.

But the real crime here is that this two parter was not allowed to reach its potential. This COULD have been great. Hell, it could have been bloody fantastic. There were elements of production; the cyber design, the lighting, the camera angles, the special effects etc. which were some of the best weВ’ve seen. There were also some wonderfully inventive ideas and concepts within the story, but they somehow lacked the cohesion necessary to make it work. The result is a really messy story line, some mismatched acting and a shallow selection of easy fix plotlines that wouldnВ’t be out of keeping in the В‘straight to videoВ’ shelf of my local rental store.

There were brief moments that workedВ…when they were being chased I felt a slight inkling of tension, the underground chamber scene was spooky and the brilliant nod to В‘The Five DoctorsВ’ with the line В“WeВ’ll attack on three fronts, above, between and belowВ” were all well done but otherwise things were distinctly flat.

IВ’m still struggling to put my finger on what it was. I was strongly reminded in both look and feel of the Paul Mcgann Movie. You can see where the money has been spent. It LOOKED greatВ…and yet, I just wasnВ’t emotionally involved at any level. Being cinematic isnВ’t enough, there still needs to be some originality.

A huge problem for me were all those В‘convenientВ’ moments. The death of the Tardis...surely the Doctor would have been utterly broken...they are almost the same being. All we got was a look of disappointment and a bit of nostalgia about it being the last of it's kind. And yes...didn't it sort its self out rather quickly. What's the point in having a catastrophic event if it isn't actually catastrophic? It would have been much better to think they were genuinely trapped on this Earth...far more powerful considering we knew what they are going to be trapped with. Alfred Hitchcock once said..."Show an audience a bomb hidden in a desk two seconds before it goes off and you get two seconds of suspense. But show them the bomb two hours before and you get two hours of suspense." All I'm saying is...we KNEW the Cybermen were coming from the start, wouldn't it also have been better if we thought there was no possibility of escape. And then thereВ’s the moment when the Doctor just happens to be able to use the Tardis energy cell as a weapon ( not really a cliff hanger then !!!) and just happens to know somehow that Mickey is in the control room listening in so he can relay instructions, and Mickey just happens to be able to crack the computer and find the volume and locate the rope ladder and on and on and on В…pleaseВ…this is just lazy writing. And the whole creeping up on the guards on the roof was the biggest pile of unbelievable nonsense IВ’ve seen since the final season of Buck Rodgers in the 21st Century. В‘Excuse me, you may be highly trained guards, but if you could just look straight ahead while we run right up to you in plain sight from 500 yards making a huge amount of noise and stick a small bottle of slow acting chloroform up your nose. Will you let us do that?В… you will !. Thank you so much , thatВ’s so helpful.

These are the sort of QUICK FIXES you expect from a single 45 minute episode where I accept you might have to sacrifice a little reality for the sake of the plot running to timeВ…but thereВ’s just no excuse in a two parter.

And the Cyber controllerВ…what a triumph of design. It looked brilliant, the brain, the chair, the potential to scare the pants off a whole new generation В…he appeared in a cloud of smoke and I shouted, yes, at last, a real villainВ…so why oh why was he only on for the last ten minutes and why did he just sit there doing nothing. He had the brain of an evil genius, the power of a super machine, the potential to plug in to every mind in the world...and what do they actual do with him...they drop him out of a blimp above an exploding building in an effects shot so over used by Hollywood it's a clichГ©. The Cybermen themselves also looked amazing. They really did look like they could knock a house down with one arm and would pull your head off as soon as look at you. Did they scare me...no. They seemed unable to convey any sense of real menace beyond sheer brute force. And of all the things to test their might on, crashing a dinner party wasn't really what I'd have gone for as an impressive show of force. I suddenly realisedВ…these arenВ’t Cybermen at all, theyВ’re just tin men, robots, automatons. They didnВ’t have the history, mentality or resilience of real Cybermen. They were just a tin pot armyВ…and therefore, I didnВ’t care and I wasnВ’t scared. OK, you could argue that on this parallel earth this was their first outing, their birthВ…and yet, this was definitely no where near being a В‘Genesis of the CybermenВ’.

The worst failing of both Rise and Age of Steel was that I just didn’t care about the characters. This wasn’t Roses dad…it was just a bloke who looked like him. Her alternate reality mum was a shallow bigot so who cares if she’s been upgraded or not. Lumic’s side kick does a sudden turn around, Mickey and Ricky are suddenly wearing the same clothes, except Noel Clarke doesn’t portray a significant difference between the two characters…so you don’t know which is which or care about either of them. In fact, the only character we got any background on at all was Mrs Moore the Preacher Techi…and just as we were starting to get interested in her and her Cyber killing gadgets…she gets killed. Even the attempt at giving the Cyber victim pathos fell flat. OK…so she was cold and missing her fiancé…but she still said it in an emotionless monotone, even though the emotion inhibitor was switched off. And I know it wasn’t her voice box, , but I would gladly have traded technical correctness for the empathy instilled in a human voice. To have heard a terrified human female voice emanating from within that metal casing would have been far more powerful at portraying the idea of a ‘TRAPPED SOUL’. Perhaps even a partial obscured view of part of a face inside the cracked helmet. The fact that the rest of the body was mechanical would have made that quite chilling.

Well lit, well shot, well designed and produced.

Badly written, badly directed ( yes I dared to say it and sorry to all those Androzani fans ) and badly acted at times.

I have to say bad direction because although it was well shot and paced etc, ultimately it is the director ( and the editor ) who determines the real impact of the shot in terms of timing and emotion. I donВ’t think Rose ( episode one, season one) worked as well for the same reasons. Its saving grace was some decent monologues which these episodes sadly lacked. In fact, there was nothing clever about the speech at all. Some of the lines were so banal it was the sort of thing you expect from the A-teamВ…В”Yeah, come on manВ”, В“LetВ’s do it!В” В…and that all importantВ… В“Run !В”

I feel like IВ’m being overly harsh, after all, many shows would probably have taken the single premise of this two parter and run it for the entire season, which would no doubt have given ample opportunity to flesh out both characterisation and storyline. But isnВ’t that the point? IsnВ’t that the failure of the writing? If you only have two episodes В…you write to make it work for those two episodes.

Tooth and Claw, Unquiet Dead, Fathers DayВ…beautiful compact self contained little gems which still contain emotional drive throughout the storyline.

This didnВ’t.

My finger hovers tentatively over the video recorder. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!