Am new to this but I thought I would add my 4 penneth worth about last nights New Who episode.

I have been so disappointed with this season so far that I was worried I would lose interest in the show altogether.

I thought 'New Earth' was weak camp drivel and underused a potential 'monster' considerably, Tooth and Claw fared better but ended up being something disappointingly different from what was promised/marketed. I enjoyed 'School Reunion' but that I feel was more due to the nostalgia and dark humour than anything much more, the 'jealous' bit was o.k in some parts but grated on my nerves a bit after a while.

Girl in the Fireplace brightened things up a bit and added spice where much needed; this was a brilliant idea and tip-toed into the 'very good' category but paved way for the atrocious Cyberman story which was a big let down in my opinion.

The gushing sentimentality seemed to overrule any menace and although the direction created dark 'industrialised' threat it was marred by more in depth focus on the characters personal wranglements than the Cybermen.

Cybermen should be ruthless automatons, calculated, cold and downright frightening ; these guys could have been but unfortunately just weren't. Where was all the 'bursting out of bondage' imagery so iconic to a good cyber tale. Shiver up the spine stuff.

I remembered Mark Gatiss' Gelth yarn for Christopher Ecclestons incarnation of the Doctor and recall thinking how under rated it was and how pleasing I found the story to be.

To my delight I awaited this story with a mixture of feeling as I didn't want to be really let down by the show again, to my delight I have to say that this was one of the best episodes ever, so far. At last back from Soap Opera land and back into brilliant sci-fi drama.

The Wire (amazingly chilling performance by Ms.Lipman) was genuinely menacing and the demonisation of an everyday object as a thing of malevolent power was truly nightmare stuff. The acting ability of the cast made the whole thing so believable and despite the 'retro' element would've no doubt pleased many generations of age.

I also found the featureless creatures a marvellous nightmare creation, although this has been used on other productions to great effect this brought the whole concept chillingly up to date in a 1950's sort of way.

The 'humanistic' element wasn't so 'in your face' as the other stories which, in my opinion had began to suffocate and therefore weaken stories. This ran parallel with the 'grittiness' of the much darker doings at work and thankfully didn't dominate too heavily in the story.

The direction and set design were also perfect replications of a bygone era, you could also imagine the aroma of must,tea and the biscuits or the bits of fluff that smelled smouldering on the electric heated bars,

The cast seemed to be enjoying themselves despite the mayhem in suburbia which added such a charm to the story. The Doctors emergence from the TARDIS via a Vesper was a classic moment and I found I didn't wince as I did in the similar sequence in the 'Fireplace' story.

Finally it seemed to me, Mr.Tennant seemed like a Doctor Who not a weakened version of his Casanova in a brown suit.

Its not as though I object to Mr.Tennants clowning about but I just wish there was less of it and a pinch more seriousness, a deepness, something more 'alien'.

Thank you Mr.Gatiss for creating one of the best highlights in this series so far.

9/10.

I enjoyed this episode when it was first transmitted, but IВ’m beginning to think now that itВ’s one of pros and cons. On the one hand we have an episode here that actually bothers to tell a story, which puts it higher than many of the seasonВ’s other episodes. And yet, here in the 21st CenturyВ’s new character-driven Doctor Who, we are presented with some of the shoddiest characterisation the programme has ever seen. Apples and oranges then? WeВ’ll see.

The BBCВ’s flair with period detail is well documented by myself and others, and it doesnВ’t let them down here as the episode begins with an excellent pre-titles sequence, and Mark Gatiss clearly hasnВ’t forgotten the idea of the opening credits being the equivalent of the famous cliffhanger. It is directed by Euros Lyn however, and that means itВ’s going to be way too flashy for its own good. Despite the jaunty camera angles and jump-cuts this remains a visually strong episode though, and the imagery of having an ethereal television presenter as the villain is supremely engaging.

WhatВ’s immediately obvious about the regularsВ’ opening scene is that Billie Piper hardly shuts her mouth, which IВ’m going to use as shorthand for her portrayal through the entire episode; throughout my reviews of series two IВ’ve been tracking the characterВ’s descent from tough chick into obnoxious brat, and I have to say that The IdiotВ’s Lantern sets a new low for the companion. IВ’ve got more bones to pick with The Impossible Planet though, so I donВ’t want to dwell on this too much В– especially since IВ’m repeating myself now В– although I would highlight it as an example of series oneВ’s superiority over this one. The real problem with The IdiotВ’s Lantern is that the other characters are just as bad, as the usual saving grace of an episode is that while TennantВ’s enforced goofiness and RoseВ’s simpering deference to it grates theyВ’re usually surrounded by likeable foil like Mickey or Ida Scott. With The IdiotВ’s Lantern though, while I can hang on to the large amounts of decent mystery and atmosphere being produced I have to mentally fight to prevent it all being undone by the relentlessly two-dimensional Eddie and his family. With stagy delivery of didactic lines, I really feel like as a viewer IВ’m being spoken down to and the DoctorВ’s В“is housework a womanВ’s businessВ” scene doesnВ’t help matters. Wait, whatВ’s this? TennantВ’s raised his voice again! That means heВ’s angry, you know.

The faceless people help as in design terms theyВ’re very good and itВ’s certainly a shock to see them for the first time. There is the old В“how do they breatheВ” question, but if I went on about how visuals are being favoured over the idea actually being plausible even in a fantasy sense then I wouldnВ’t have anything left to say about a certain scene from Love & Monsters.

Once the Doctor and Rose have left the house and start creeping around looking for answers, things start to pick up: the fact that this episode takes a bit of time out to tell a proper story is a seriously big factor in its favour. The shots of the Doctor creeping round the cage of faceless people are fantastically done, and his conversation with the police detective is a highlight of the episode. Meanwhile, Ron Cook puts in an excellent performance as Magpie that forces even Billie Piper to restrain herself В– and any episode that removes RoseВ’s big flapping mouth for much of its runtime has to score bonus points, right? It does lead to Tennant shifting into the standard В“force of natureВ” role though, so I donВ’t know whether to take those bonus points back off again.

Meanwhile the auntВ’s line that В“itВ” should be beaten out of young Tommy sees more writing down (what is В“itВ”? Someone explain, itВ’s just too subtle!) and his speech about freedom is humiliating to sit through. My usual complaint about big moralising speeches applies here, but this is a particularly bad example. When the characters sound like theyВ’re reading something off rather than saying whatВ’s come into their heads, the writing has failed.

Things get back on track again in the shop with the chilling imagery of the faces on the screens, although they do over-literalise the idea of the victimsВ’ souls being stolen. The idea of the Wire being an executed non-corporeal entity is nothing new but it still works, and thereВ’s a genuinely dramatic scene where she attacks the Doctor. However, her comment that the Doctor is armed upon seeing the sonic screwdriver is a sad indictment of the magic wand the device has become. The ending is great in set-piece terms, but the resolution itself is the standard new series cop-out of plugging something into something else and pushing a button. The Wire, as arguably the best original villain the new series has seen, deserved better.

It seems that thereВ’s been a positive comment for every negative one. The IdiotВ’s Lantern is worthy for its story and its imagery, but with some dreadful characterisation it really isnВ’t as good as I remember and not a patch on GatissВ’s earlier The Unquiet Dead.

And so this year we had to wait a little bit longer for our annual Mark Gatiss episode, but was it worth the wait?

В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” certainly has a lot going for it. The Coronation being broadcast live on TV is an inspired basis for a Doctor Who story, both in terms of the solid sci-fi / horror story that could be told by the writer and also in terms of the great fun that the cast and crew had in producing the episode, which ultimately translated into the great fun that we, the audience, had in watching the episode. The period costumes, the Doctor changing his hair (unprecedented!), sparkling dialogue В– В“I should have known your Mother would be a Cliff fanВ…В” etc. В– and best of all, the very dark, very human, very wonderful characters that only Mark Gatiss can write. If anything, theyВ’re too real!

If you look back through Mark GatissВ’ quite extensive Doctor Who contributions (as a writer) over the years, it is clear that he is at his absolute best when heВ’s writing a period story with human characters. When he does what heВ’s good at, without doubt heВ’s one of the nationВ’s best writers. In В“The IdiotВ’s Lantern,В” he uses the extremely effective В‘gimmickВ’ of having TV sets that suck your face off В– they quite literally eat you В– combined with some superbly written character drama and of course, his trademark black humour.

В“Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then weВ’ll beginВ…В”

Gatiss seems to have a great handle on the fifties, best represented I feel by two of his characters В– Eddie Connolly and The Wire. The latter is an alien life form that we donВ’t know all that much about (and to be honest we donВ’t actually need to know that much about!) that has become trapped in TV signals and needs to feed on humanity in order to restore herself. She (it?) is represented by the prim and proper visage of a textbook 1950s BBC presenter (as portrayed by the outstandingly unnerving Maureen Lipman), and it is one of these cases where all those well-meant and exceedingly polite clichГ© one-liners take on a whole new darker meaning - it makes for some great television: В“Goodnight children, everywhere...В”

Eddie Connolly, in contrast, is a very human character. HeВ’s not evil; heВ’s not even a В‘baddieВ’ as suchВ… heВ’s just incredibly misguided and incredibly unlikeable! Jamie Foreman is superb in his performance. The way he speaks (all those overemphasised В‘HВ’s because heВ’s trying to sound posh), the way he dominates his familyВ… heВ’s just such a believable character. It is a testament to GatissВ’ skill as a writer that I actually felt sorry for him at times, especially when the Doctor and Rose are tearing him to shreds with their В‘radicalВ’ views on feminism and all the В“Union FlagВ” (Doctor Who is still educational!) stuff. There is one scene in particular which completely encapsulates EddieВ’s character. He is arguing with his son, Tommy, saying things like В“I fought a war just so little scum like you can call me a cowardВ”, and his son basically says, yeah, thatВ’s the whole point! I can say what I want; youВ’ve become like a Nazi! By the end of the episode I was glad that the Doctor and Rose encouraged Tommy to try and make up with his Dad!

I really enjoyed the scene where Rose cockily struts into Mr. MagpieВ’s shop, confronts the Wire and ends up getting her face sucked off and her brain wiped! I didnВ’t see that one coming! Once again, it shows us just how dangerous this life that the Doctor and Rose lead is, and just how complacent they have become. Seeing RoseВ’s face on TV calling for the Doctor is quite disturbing! Getting Rose out of the way also allowed the impressive youngster Tommy (Rory Jennings) to become more involved in the story, taking on the companionВ’s mantle and helping the Doctor to save the world, really helping to freshen things up a bit.

The episodeВ’s climax set on the Alexandra Palace transmitter had me thinking about the fourth DoctorВ’s demise in В“Logopolis,В” so I found it quite amusing when it was revealed on Confidential that the DoctorВ’s line about not liking big transmitters because heВ’d В“fell off one onceВ” had been cut at the last minute! I can just imagine Gatiss sat writing the episode, chuckling to himself and wondering if heВ’d get away with sticking it in there! I also liked the DoctorВ’s solution to the Wire problem; trap her on video, then rub over her! And on Betamax no less! Trust the Doctor! Unsurprisingly, I think В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” is definitely the funniest episode of the season so far В– the Betamax; the Doctor getting knocked out; his being mistaken for the King of Belgium; the way Rose cartoonishly ducks under EddieВ’s arm; the line about Jackie and her sailor boyfriend; В“You canВ’t wrap you arm around your elbowВ…В” et al. - Fantastic!

Just over a year ago when I reviewed В“The Unquiet DeadВ” I simply wrote В“WOW!В”, and then there wasnВ’t really much intelligent comment after that. Now I donВ’t think that В“The IdiotВ’s LanternВ” is as good as В“The Unquiet Dead,В” but I really canВ’t say why. I just didnВ’t enjoy it quite as much. It could have been Eccleston. It could have been Dickens. It could have been that a year ago it was all so new and IВ’ve got rose-tinted glasses on. That said, I canВ’t really think of a bad word to say about this episode. The cast, the designВ… everything is just flawless, really. For some reason though, I just canВ’t bring myself to write that В“WOW!В” Maybe IВ’m getting spoilt by having one amazing episode after another! I think I could do with a В“Paradise TowersВ” or something next week just so that I can learn to appreciate just how good each episode is!

One of my passions is the history of British television, from its dark and murky beginnings in the nineteen-thirties through to the explosion of popularity in the fifties, the great days of the sixties, seventies and eighties through to all thatВ’s happened over the past twenty years. So an episode that deals, or at least touches upon, those great and glorious days of the fools on the hill at Alexandra Palace was always like to be a winner with me. The fact that it comes from the pen of Mark Gatiss, author of The Unquiet Dead, which was one of my favourite episodes of the 2005 run, was an extra bonus, so all-in-all itВ’s safe to say that I sat down to watch this one with high hopes.

Afterwards, I must admit I was disappointed В– but only a little. This is not a spectacular episode of Doctor Who, not one of those epic В‘eventВ’ episodes that will lodge themselves in the memories of even casual viewers. But it is a nice little slice of enjoyable television, and perhaps a little lighter and frothier fare than some of series two has been to date, which is no bad thing at all. Never taking itself too seriously or feeling too laboured, The IdiotВ’s Lantern is the filling in a two-parter sandwich, and slots into place as a breathing space for the series quite nicely.

WeВ’re in the nineteen-fifties, so itВ’s slightly exaggerated theme park history time again, although the show has pretty much always worked this way with its historical settings, perhaps arguably excepting only the very earliest В‘pureВ’ historicals, and painting the background with such broad strokes at least helps to ground us quickly in where weВ’re supposed to be. Once again, however, the TARDIS has gotten it slightly wrong, taking the Doctor and Rose to where thereВ’s trouble in store rather than to where they actually intended to be, which always gives you the impression that the rusty old ship knows more about whatВ’s going on in the multiverse than itВ’s letting on.

ItВ’s the right decade though, which means the Doctor and Rose donВ’t seem to stand out too much in all their fifties get-up, and Tennant and Piper seem to relish getting into the feel of the decade as much as their characters do. I thought that Tennant in particular was rather good this week, being the wise-cracking, moralising kind of a Doctor that Tom Baker was always so good at playing, although of course he does it in a rather different way to Baker. You can see, however, the direction in which Gatiss writes the Tenth Doctor from, and itВ’s very much a fannish one В– once again, no bad thing at all.

Piper, curiously, isnВ’t actually in the second half of the episode very much В– perhaps they wanted to give her some time off, which with the gruelling schedule they have to work on this show would be no great surprise. She does get a great scene where she goes investigating on her own at MagpieВ’s shop В– although perhaps Rose ought to have learned the dangers of wandering off on her own by now! В– but as soon as she has her face sucked off, sheВ’s pretty much written out of the episode just as she was when being locked in a room for the last third of The End of the World. ItВ’s not an entirely satisfying way of dealing with too many characters and lends the episode a somewhat unbalanced feel at times, although on the other hand it does provide some genuine drama for the audience В– if this thing can do this to one of the regulars, then it must be scary!

ItВ’s funny how the blank face effect isnВ’t actually light years ahead of that used in Sapphire & Steel Assignment Four, which clearly inspired it, despite twenty-five years having passed between the two productions. ThatВ’s not to say that the effects on the faces here were in any way bad, because they werenВ’t, just goes to show how impressive the ATV make-up people were all those years ago.

The blank faces give the episode one of its genuinely creepy moments, when the Doctor is in the cage with them all and they begin to move around. ItВ’s a shame there wasnВ’t a bit more menace, really, but most of this I am afraid can be put down to Maureen Lipman as The Wire. An intriguing concept, albeit not exactly an original one, IВ’m afraid I just wasnВ’t sold on LipmanВ’s performance at all, which is a shame as sheВ’s normally quite likeable. She just overdid the cackling villainess business for me, and she wasnВ’t helped by some lines which put you more in mind of The Little Shop of Horrors than anything more Quatermass-tinged.

However, she wasnВ’t the only guest star, and this weekВ’s other main guest turn was the ever-excellent Ron Cook. Never, sadly, a leading man, Cook is one of British television and filmВ’s finest supporting players, and the veteran of many a classic production from The Singing Detective toВ… ermВ… Thunderbirds. Ahem. But seriously, heВ’s as excellent as ever as the tortured Mr Magpie, and seeing him crop up in Doctor Who was a real treat. Danny Webb next week, too! They really are getting the solid guest actors in this series, and no mistake.

The family stuff was a bit naff, although it gave a good excuse to break out the archive coronation footage as the residents of Working Title Street gathered to watch the tiny grey pictures. But why does it already look like a telerecording if itВ’s going out live, hmmmm, hmmmmmmmm? ThatВ’s sloppy, that is. (And thatВ’s humour, just in case youВ’re worried IВ’ve been hanging around Doctor Who websites for too long). Mind you, I bet that episode of Animal, Vegetable or Mineral wasnВ’t even broadcast until 1955 or something, tooВ…

I did like young Tommy, mind, the В“pretty boyВ”, В“mummyВ’s boyВ” who evidently wants something В“beaten out of himВ”. Wonder what that could be? Matthew Graham has talked about his forthcoming episode involving his fascination with the idea that the TARDIS could materialise on your street corner and you could get involved in the adventure, and thatВ’s exactly what happens to Tommy, becoming a pseudo-companion for the Doctor and even getting to save the day into the bargain. All because heВ’s a bit of a saddo electronics geek. Hurrah for anorakism!

Euros Lyn В– when will he be allowed into the present day? В– took charge of the cameras again, and while he mostly did as excellent a job as ever, he did seem a bit overkeen on the slanty camera angles. Anybody whoВ’s ever seen Russell T DaviesВ’s Dark Season will know that some directors think they have to make something seem a bit sci-fi by constantly tilting their tripods to thirty degrees to make stuff look a bit weird, which is a cheap trick that succeeds only in irritating, as far as I can tell. But apart from that it all seemed to be directed with a flourish, and all the other behind-the-scenes departments seemed to be as on-the-ball as ever. Even a bit of a retro feel in some respects this week, given that there didnВ’t appear to be huge amounts of CGI involved. Maybe theyВ’re saving it all up for Gabriel WoolfВ’s comeback.

Speaking of which, didnВ’t the trailer for The Impossible Planet look great? Oddly, the Tardisode for it is pretty pants, but IВ’m really looking forward to this two-parter. WeВ’ve had a bit of fun with The IdiotВ’s Lantern, now letВ’s go into the deep dark depthsВ… of outer space!

This pair of episodes is utterly appalling. How they ever got made, let alone past the scripting stage is beyond me. There's humor in flatulence if you're five years old, but most of us manage to grow up and stop laughing at bodily functions. Watching "Aliens of London" and "World War 3" makes me wonder just why exactly Russell Davies gets so much acclaim as ˜one of the best writers in television" when from the evidence I've seen (his work on the new Doctor Who) he's clearly overrated? To be more specific, his writing typically has some superficial plot, combined with an over-emphasis on character and emotionalism, with loads of innuendo and juvenile humor thrown in. Some days he manages to restrain himself, as he does with the pretty enjoyable "Long Game", but here in this combo of episodes, all the worst excesses of RTD's version of Doctor Who are sadly on full display for all to see.

I don't like to bash the program, or Russell Davies, or the creative team behind it. Doctor Who is my favorite show, and I'm willing to forgive quite a bit when it comes to writing or plotting or special effects. But while I've been on occasion bored with an episode, or amused by some low-budget effect, or aware of the show's faults while still managing to enjoy it, I've never been angered by an episode before. It's only a TV show, and really shouldn't be worth my time to be angry about, yet when someone takes a program which I really enjoy, and turns out a show as bad as Aliens/WW3 turned out to be, it's hard not to be angry that the writers and producers had the audacity to think that this passed for family entertainment, let alone a good episode of Doctor Who. Especially considering that I can't watch it on TV and had to pay for the DVD set. I don't really feel I got a good return for my time or money when it comes to these two episodes.

This story had so much potential to be good, since the basic plot is pretty sound. It starts out well enough, with Rose coming home to touch base, and the Doctor discovering that he'd gotten the date wrong and that Rose had been gone for a year. It's the type of silly mistake that the Doctor would make, and feels right. Sadly, here the episode goes off the deep end with Rose's mom slapping the Doctor as though we're watching a tedious soap opera. To add insult to injury, the Doctor and Rose discuss it on the phone like a pair of lovesick teenagers whose parents don't want them to date. Quite apart from the absurdity of a telephone in the TARDIS, this type of soap-opera garbage is not what I watch Doctor Who for.

Thankfully the episode takes a drastic upward turn with the spaceship crash, which looks outstanding. The public and news media reaction to it is extremely well portrayed, and the idea of the Doctor being forced to watch it on television like everyone else is amusing. Thankfully the Doctor can't take it for long, and does what any self-respecting meddling Time Lord would do: take his TARDIS and go to see the alien body. The brain-augmented pig is actually a good concept, and rather sad. More good concepts include the mention and involvement of UNIT, and the security that is tripped when Jackie tries to report the Doctor to the alien hotline. The Doctor mugging for the camera is fun. As we are introduced to more characters, I find that Harriet Jones starts out as an irritating character and quickly becomes rather admirable.

Then of course, things go downhill again with the (disguised) appearance of the Slitheen, an alien race who look rather good, but are completely undermined by the fact that I am unable to take them seriously, and find them utterly embarrassing to watch. A particularly dire instance of this has to be the "I'm shaking my booty" scene. Doctor Who was once a drama that was taken seriously by all involved, but now we're reduced to three overweight people passing gas and giggling. It's absolutely puerile rubbish.

The cliffhanger was good. Our first cliffhanger of the new series, and it's a triple threat! Sadly, as others have noted, it was rendered less than effective by the "Next time" trailer immediately after the cliffhanger. I see that they corrected that placement error for "The Empty Child", so the error was realized.

The poorly titled "World War 3" is nothing of the sort, with one missile being fired, and the Slitheen's plans being revealed. There are some more good concepts in this episode, including the idea that Slitheen is a family name rather than a race, and that the spaceship crash was meant to be spectacular, since it was an attention-grabbing spectacle. The Doctor's trick with the alcohol is amusing and in character, and the fact that the aliens figure it out after a few minutes is also good. The denouement, where Mickey hacks into the website and launches a missile is fine on the surface, given that the Doctor is guiding him, but it's let down by a silly password (that works on all security levels) and the idea that an internet site allows a missile to be launched. Thankfully the Slitheen are incinerated. We're then treated to more irritating domestic scenes with Jackie and Rose, though the Doctor/Mickey scene while waiting for Rose is quite good actually. The Doctor actually acts in character and allows Mickey to save face. I was impressed.

I have to discuss the Doctor's portrayal. Generally Eccleston and the writers get his character right, though the continued rudeness is certainly overplayed. The Doctor's "winding up" of Mickey for most of the story isn't alien, its petulant teenager, jealous over Rose. It's pathetic. And of course, the Doctor gets the two most cringe worthy lines of the episodes. "Would you mind not farting while I'm saving the world" being pretty bad, topped only by "I could save the world but lose you", which is the sort of wildly unrealistic expression of sentiment that eighth graders think people say to each other, but is totally out of character for the Doctor.

The politics of the story (WMD ready to go in 45 mins, etc.) are the typical left-wing "Bush/Blair lied" variety, and as such I can't take them seriously. Thankfully, unlike "Boom Town" where the politics are the story, here's they're inspiration for the Slitheen's methods, and don't overwhelm the drama with preachiness.

I've complained before about the high degree of sexual innuendo that has been added to Doctor Who, which has been very much to its detriment. "Aliens of London" contains the one instance I can think of where mentioning it seems appropriate and subtly played, and that's in the scene where the policeman is interviewing the Doctor and Rose. Contrast that with Oliver's rather crass comment about the wife, mistress and young farmer, which is crude in the extreme. It's little wonder this element of the new show continually leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

In the final analysis, it boils down to this: a passable story ruined by bad characterization, juvenile giggles over flatulence and nudity, and domestic tedium when we could be seeing the universe. I can't recall having actually been embarrassed to be a Doctor Who fan before, but this episode has accomplished that. A red letter day to be sure. 4 out of 10, and I'm giving generous marks for the visuals and some good ideas, which are almost drowned by the dross surrounding them.

The return of the Cybermen and these episodes really rattled along.

The trouble isВ…Cybermen shouldnВ’t rattle!

IВ’m sad to say I found the whole thing to be an exercise in superficiality. Glossy looking but a complete lack of investment in the characters or the storyline. Fast food Sci-Fi which is definitely not what I was expecting from Who.

Perhaps, like Aliens of London / WW3 it was geared for 5-12 year olds with its pace and thin veneer plotlines. They go for that, seven year olds...bombs over banter, speed over script. You can certainly guarantee that school playgrounds across the country will be heaving with marching children this week all trying to В‘DELETEВ’ their class mates.

But the real crime here is that this two parter was not allowed to reach its potential. This COULD have been great. Hell, it could have been bloody fantastic. There were elements of production; the cyber design, the lighting, the camera angles, the special effects etc. which were some of the best weВ’ve seen. There were also some wonderfully inventive ideas and concepts within the story, but they somehow lacked the cohesion necessary to make it work. The result is a really messy story line, some mismatched acting and a shallow selection of easy fix plotlines that wouldnВ’t be out of keeping in the В‘straight to videoВ’ shelf of my local rental store.

There were brief moments that workedВ…when they were being chased I felt a slight inkling of tension, the underground chamber scene was spooky and the brilliant nod to В‘The Five DoctorsВ’ with the line В“WeВ’ll attack on three fronts, above, between and belowВ” were all well done but otherwise things were distinctly flat.

IВ’m still struggling to put my finger on what it was. I was strongly reminded in both look and feel of the Paul Mcgann Movie. You can see where the money has been spent. It LOOKED greatВ…and yet, I just wasnВ’t emotionally involved at any level. Being cinematic isnВ’t enough, there still needs to be some originality.

A huge problem for me were all those В‘convenientВ’ moments. The death of the Tardis...surely the Doctor would have been utterly broken...they are almost the same being. All we got was a look of disappointment and a bit of nostalgia about it being the last of it's kind. And yes...didn't it sort its self out rather quickly. What's the point in having a catastrophic event if it isn't actually catastrophic? It would have been much better to think they were genuinely trapped on this Earth...far more powerful considering we knew what they are going to be trapped with. Alfred Hitchcock once said..."Show an audience a bomb hidden in a desk two seconds before it goes off and you get two seconds of suspense. But show them the bomb two hours before and you get two hours of suspense." All I'm saying is...we KNEW the Cybermen were coming from the start, wouldn't it also have been better if we thought there was no possibility of escape. And then thereВ’s the moment when the Doctor just happens to be able to use the Tardis energy cell as a weapon ( not really a cliff hanger then !!!) and just happens to know somehow that Mickey is in the control room listening in so he can relay instructions, and Mickey just happens to be able to crack the computer and find the volume and locate the rope ladder and on and on and on В…pleaseВ…this is just lazy writing. And the whole creeping up on the guards on the roof was the biggest pile of unbelievable nonsense IВ’ve seen since the final season of Buck Rodgers in the 21st Century. В‘Excuse me, you may be highly trained guards, but if you could just look straight ahead while we run right up to you in plain sight from 500 yards making a huge amount of noise and stick a small bottle of slow acting chloroform up your nose. Will you let us do that?В… you will !. Thank you so much , thatВ’s so helpful.

These are the sort of QUICK FIXES you expect from a single 45 minute episode where I accept you might have to sacrifice a little reality for the sake of the plot running to timeВ…but thereВ’s just no excuse in a two parter.

And the Cyber controllerВ…what a triumph of design. It looked brilliant, the brain, the chair, the potential to scare the pants off a whole new generation В…he appeared in a cloud of smoke and I shouted, yes, at last, a real villainВ…so why oh why was he only on for the last ten minutes and why did he just sit there doing nothing. He had the brain of an evil genius, the power of a super machine, the potential to plug in to every mind in the world...and what do they actual do with him...they drop him out of a blimp above an exploding building in an effects shot so over used by Hollywood it's a clichГ©. The Cybermen themselves also looked amazing. They really did look like they could knock a house down with one arm and would pull your head off as soon as look at you. Did they scare me...no. They seemed unable to convey any sense of real menace beyond sheer brute force. And of all the things to test their might on, crashing a dinner party wasn't really what I'd have gone for as an impressive show of force. I suddenly realisedВ…these arenВ’t Cybermen at all, theyВ’re just tin men, robots, automatons. They didnВ’t have the history, mentality or resilience of real Cybermen. They were just a tin pot armyВ…and therefore, I didnВ’t care and I wasnВ’t scared. OK, you could argue that on this parallel earth this was their first outing, their birthВ…and yet, this was definitely no where near being a В‘Genesis of the CybermenВ’.

The worst failing of both Rise and Age of Steel was that I just didn’t care about the characters. This wasn’t Roses dad…it was just a bloke who looked like him. Her alternate reality mum was a shallow bigot so who cares if she’s been upgraded or not. Lumic’s side kick does a sudden turn around, Mickey and Ricky are suddenly wearing the same clothes, except Noel Clarke doesn’t portray a significant difference between the two characters…so you don’t know which is which or care about either of them. In fact, the only character we got any background on at all was Mrs Moore the Preacher Techi…and just as we were starting to get interested in her and her Cyber killing gadgets…she gets killed. Even the attempt at giving the Cyber victim pathos fell flat. OK…so she was cold and missing her fiancé…but she still said it in an emotionless monotone, even though the emotion inhibitor was switched off. And I know it wasn’t her voice box, , but I would gladly have traded technical correctness for the empathy instilled in a human voice. To have heard a terrified human female voice emanating from within that metal casing would have been far more powerful at portraying the idea of a ‘TRAPPED SOUL’. Perhaps even a partial obscured view of part of a face inside the cracked helmet. The fact that the rest of the body was mechanical would have made that quite chilling.

Well lit, well shot, well designed and produced.

Badly written, badly directed ( yes I dared to say it and sorry to all those Androzani fans ) and badly acted at times.

I have to say bad direction because although it was well shot and paced etc, ultimately it is the director ( and the editor ) who determines the real impact of the shot in terms of timing and emotion. I donВ’t think Rose ( episode one, season one) worked as well for the same reasons. Its saving grace was some decent monologues which these episodes sadly lacked. In fact, there was nothing clever about the speech at all. Some of the lines were so banal it was the sort of thing you expect from the A-teamВ…В”Yeah, come on manВ”, В“LetВ’s do it!В” В…and that all importantВ… В“Run !В”

I feel like IВ’m being overly harsh, after all, many shows would probably have taken the single premise of this two parter and run it for the entire season, which would no doubt have given ample opportunity to flesh out both characterisation and storyline. But isnВ’t that the point? IsnВ’t that the failure of the writing? If you only have two episodes В…you write to make it work for those two episodes.

Tooth and Claw, Unquiet Dead, Fathers DayВ…beautiful compact self contained little gems which still contain emotional drive throughout the storyline.

This didnВ’t.

My finger hovers tentatively over the video recorder. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!